Hello my name is Kate and I have a bartender problem. If there were ever to be an addiction to be had, this would be mine. Whether it is a life or death matter or effectively serious, the jury is still out, however I have a bartender problem. It is safe to say that single Kate will most likely fall for the guy behind the bar on the night out with the girls rather than the several options on the other side. People say that while on the prowl you should always have the bartender on your side (and anyone else working), that way when in doubt you have their support, whether it's another shot of tequila to kill the heartache or a heads up that the girl you're talking to is a crazy. Not only does that bartender seem to hold supreme power over the festivities for the night to come, but they have this magical way of making you feel like you are the only one in the room. And though you know if the back of your head that you are not the first recipient to the smile plastered across their face, they still are able to convince you otherwise.
Only those who are able to charm the bitchiest of people are hired as bartenders. That and the hottest; however those who know how to talk the talk but may be considered a 5, can suddenly appear to be a 10 behind glossy vodka eyes. I wouldn't be surprised if we'd all be there, had a 3 hour love affair with a bartender, but my problem stretches further than that. My affairs tend to last past the first night and beyond the bar, into weeks of flirtation, and the reminder in the back of my mind, "Darlin' you should never date a bartender."
Thinking back pretty far my love affair with bartenders probably started at the age of 16, where the thought of dating a boy my own age was the farthest thing from my mind. I went to a cousin's wedding in Wisconsin where, at 16 I could sit at the bar, but not order a drink. I spent my nights flirting up a storm with the 21 year old bartender at the hotel bar. Looking back the age difference was quite perverted on his part. Needless to say I left at the end of the week with his phone number and address, written on a piece of paper, which he gave willingly without my personal request of them. I was infatuated and obviously naive.
Since I never got a fake ID, the affair was put on hold until I turned 21, where my naivety slipped away and was replaced by remarkable networking skills. Not only did I become friends with the staff of my favorite go to spots, but I fell back in love with the presents of the bartender. No, I didn't hook up with or date every bartender which I gained some correspondence with, but the list of affairs did increase.
Yes, there are obvious perks to dating a bartender, such as never waiting to be served, staying after hours, and the major bonus to most: free drinks, but those are all minor in my mind. I just can't get enough of the attention and their air of confidence which normally stems observation rather than practical experience. That being said, from my experience I think bartenders have a Kate problem as well. Is that a cocky statement? Yes, but it's not without reason. As a bartender (from what I'm told) girls or even guy often leave their numbers on napkins/receipts, or flirt up a storm in order to be the chosen of the night. The one with the honor of going home or being called by said bartender. That being said they have several options, and any bartender who claims otherwise is likely just being modest.
Maybe it's because I don't throw my panties at them right away which has them coming back for more. But likely it's because I put them on some sort of pedestal and yern to know you they are beyond the delicious drinks and sharp witted tongue. Everyone likes attention right? Who knows, but I have a bartender problem. The affairs generally don't last longer than a month or so, because from what I can tell bartenders are a fun time but lack long term romance. But who can blame them? They are surrounded by beautiful enticing people every night, ones with their own secrets waiting to be shared over a cigarette in tussled sheets, and who better to be that partner in crime then them?
Bartenders, they all turn into the one who got away, the one that could have been, should have been, if there'd only been a way. But you never date someone who can sweep you off your feet, with just one shot and just one wink.
If you still don't get the feeling Lady Gag sings it well:
You taste like whiskey when you kiss me oh/ I'll give anything again to be your baby doll/ This time I'm not leaving without you/ He said, "Sit back down where you belong/ In the corner of my bar with your high heels on/ Sit back down on the couch where we/ Made love for the first time and you said to me"/ Something, something about this place/ Something 'bout lonely nights and my lipstick on your face/...Yeah, something about, baby, you and I
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