A Smile, A Drink, An Absolute Wink

Hello my name is Kate and I have a bartender problem. If there were ever to be an addiction to be had, this would be mine. Whether it is a life or death matter or effectively serious, the jury is still out, however I have a bartender problem. It is safe to say that single Kate will most likely fall for the guy behind the bar on the night out with the girls rather than the several options on the other side. People say that while on the prowl you should always have the bartender on your side (and anyone else working), that way when in doubt you have their support, whether it's another shot of tequila to kill the heartache or a heads up that the girl you're talking to is a crazy. Not only does that bartender seem to hold supreme power over the festivities for the night to come, but they have this magical way of making you feel like you are the only one in the room. And though you know if the back of your head that you are not the first recipient to the smile plastered across their face, they still are able to convince you otherwise.

Only those who are able to charm the bitchiest of people are hired as bartenders. That and the hottest; however those who know how to talk the talk but may be considered a 5, can suddenly appear to be a 10 behind glossy vodka eyes. I wouldn't be surprised if we'd all be there, had a 3 hour love affair with a bartender, but my problem stretches further than that. My affairs tend to last past the first night and beyond the bar, into weeks of flirtation, and the reminder in the back of my mind, "Darlin' you should never date a bartender."

Thinking back pretty far my love affair with bartenders probably started at the age of 16, where the thought of dating a boy my own age was the farthest thing from my mind. I went to a cousin's wedding in Wisconsin where, at 16 I could sit at the bar, but not order a drink. I spent my nights flirting up a storm with the 21 year old bartender at the hotel bar. Looking back the age difference was quite perverted on his part. Needless to say I left at the end of the week with his phone number and address, written on a piece of paper, which he gave willingly without my personal request of them. I was infatuated and obviously naive.

Since I never got a fake ID, the affair was put on hold until I turned 21, where my naivety slipped away and was replaced by remarkable networking skills. Not only did I become friends with the staff of my favorite go to spots, but I fell back in love with the presents of the bartender. No, I didn't hook up with or date every bartender which I gained some correspondence with, but the list of affairs did increase.

Yes, there are obvious perks to dating a bartender, such as never waiting to be served, staying after hours, and the major bonus to most: free drinks, but those are all minor in my mind. I just can't get enough of the attention and their air of confidence which normally stems observation rather than practical experience. That being said, from my experience I think bartenders have a Kate problem as well. Is that a cocky statement? Yes, but it's not without reason. As a bartender (from what I'm told) girls or even guy often leave their numbers on napkins/receipts, or flirt up a storm in order to be the chosen of the night. The one with the honor of going home or being called by said bartender. That being said they have several options, and any bartender who claims otherwise is likely just being modest.

Maybe it's because I don't throw my panties at them right away which has them coming back for more. But likely it's because I put them on some sort of pedestal and yern to know you they are beyond the delicious drinks and sharp witted tongue. Everyone likes attention right? Who knows, but I have a bartender problem. The affairs generally don't last longer than a month or so, because from what I can tell bartenders are a fun time but lack long term romance. But who can blame them? They are surrounded by beautiful enticing people every night, ones with their own secrets waiting to be shared over a cigarette in tussled sheets, and who better to be that partner in crime then them?

Bartenders, they all turn into the one who got away, the one that could have been, should have been, if there'd only been a way. But you never date someone who can sweep you off your feet, with just one shot and just one wink.

If you still don't get the feeling Lady Gag sings it well:

You taste like whiskey when you kiss me oh/ I'll give anything again to be your baby doll/ This time I'm not leaving without you/ He said, "Sit back down where you belong/ In the corner of my bar with your high heels on/ Sit back down on the couch where we/ Made love for the first time and you said to me"/ Something, something about this place/ Something 'bout lonely nights and my lipstick on your face/...Yeah, something about, baby, you and I

New Word: Friendcest

One of the reasons I chose to go to a big state university like the University of Arizona was because I had been through small private schooling my entire life. I graduated from both my 8th grade and senior high school classes with no more than 65 students. Meaning everyone knew everyone's business, even if not everyone was everyone's friend. Thus, I was drawn to the concept of a big school, one where the possibility of walking around campus and seeing strangers was an option, and one could make a new friend everyday without eventually knowing the entire student body.

Once entering the University I soon realized that yes there were people that I saw whom I never knew the name of, however the number of people who knew my business grew as well. The upside is I became a master networker. Though I had my core group of friends, I also knew several other people I could escape to if I needed a break or change of pace.

The downside was the incest, the coupling and re coupling or hooking up with multiple people within the group. When certain groups become so close with one another, they often become protective of the group, and deter from new comers, thus mating with each other in various combinations. We're like a pack of wolves (or any pack animal), yet instead of mating with only one and sticking to it, there's a melding of sorts. We throw logic and consequence out the window, follow lust, and start dating our ex's friend or the guy our best girl fooled around with last summer, and everything is peace love and daisies, or is it?

Looking back, I realized that these intimate friendships within groups, was not something that just occurred amongst college students, but in high schools as well. For example, a good friend of mine who went to a different high school, was part of what I like to call a Friendcest Group. Her group of friends was made up of eight gorgeous girls and eight gorgeous guys, literally picture perfect, definitely blockbuster worthy. It turns out they all dated each other, and if they didn't actually date another officially, they at the very least fooled around. Supposedly, the guys would even discuss with one another which of "the 8" they had yet to hook up with, almost as if they were collecting baseball cards or concert stubs. And though there was always the occasional bruised heart or hurt feelings the group remained as close as ever, even to this day.

From my observation, this overwhelming pool of love and lust between mutual friends can work, but most of the time causes some tension if not spontaneous combustion of friendships. Which are filled with too much he said she said, girl code guy code, and what is morally right or wrong. Even after these episodes happen and things seemingly go back to normal, and one person may or may not be part of the group anymore because they fucked a friend's ex, the cycle still seems to be repeated, lesson unlearned.

Thus, its safe to conclude: hot friends = incest & from my experience of attempting to date outside the core group, networking = the 8 degrees of separation aka public incest. Which is unfortunate when that really hot tall dark and handsome let me spin you around the dance floor guy, turns out to be the same guy your friend knows from experience as a manwhore. FML

What to Do with the F of C

Fear of commitment; most people feel that this is a burden to have in the back of one's mind. That if you fear commitment then you will never be in a stable relationship, that perhaps you will let the "one" slip away, maybe you'll become too cynical and never find love. But what if you don't ear commitment? What if you are cynical about love because you've had your heart stomped on several times all due to the fact that you're too willing for love? I am one of these people.

I don't have a fear of commitment. I've often been told by friends after each and every pitfall of every single relation(shit) which I have procured, that I am too generous with my heart. That I give people the benefit of the doubt too willingly, that I don't take first impressions seriously enough. And like any normal human being, I took my friends' advice to heart at the time, but not to the head, and thus fell into the same pattern with the next guy.

In my head if I don't believe the actions and words of the one I desire are honest, then I am not giving them a chance. So I choose to believe in every kiss goodnight, every I miss you, every meet my friends, meet my parents, grabbing my hand in public, and text good morning, because like majority of women, I believe in the fairytale, as cliche as it may be. However, looking back on what seems to be mistake after relationship after mistake of improper choice of guy, I sometimes wish I had a fear of commitment. Maybe if I had a fear of commitment then last time this happened to me I wouldn't have been as crushed; I would have believed it wasn't going to work out in the first place. There would be no surprise factor.

Honestly though as much as I sometimes wish I had this issue, in my mind I'm glad I dont. I realize now that I can be too trusting, and that's something I should work on, but what is a girl to do? So I ask my male readers, what is it that you expect us to do? I find that when in a budding relationship with a guy they always claim trust and honesty are a must in relationships, especially when it is established that no games are being played. However, then the girl agrees and believes you and everything you do, then after a month or so you (the guy) end it because you claim you don't want to be in a relationship. Well how is that not a game? Or is it ok for you to play and us to not?

Looking at if from an outside view I'm not surprised that more and more women are joining this group of commitment phoebes. Majority of the women who I know with commitment issues are ones that may have had one real long/strong relationship, one with real weight, and/or they have several friends whom have had their hearts broken repedeatly. It's only natural after watching friend after friend feel broken used and dismissed by a guy, to then turn around and fear relationships yourself.

Now guys, you will claim and you will always claim that you don't play games, maybe you are over that faze. And if that is true then I think perhaps there is a disconnection of communication to your head your heart and your dick. Just because she feels good in your arms and fucks really good and now you have someone to share your boring meals with, doesn't mean it's then ok to crush her hopes and tell her you're not read for a relationship. Because guess what? You've been acting like your are in one alread!

Oh and please, please, I guarantee I speak for the majority of the female population when I say this, stop using the "I was scared" card. Because guess what? I wasn't! And I'm the girl. Aren't you supposed to be the man? Aren't you supposed to have balls? Aren't you the one who is supposed to be living life fearlessly? If the "I'm scared" card continues to be pulled, more women are going to become fearful as weel. And what are we left with? More single parents, more babies running around, more resentment for the opposite sex, and no love. No love?! What would the Beatles thing? To shame!! Haha

But seriously, something is wrong when one who believes in love, starts wishing they feared it.

Eargasm

If you took a moment to pause and separate the sweet beat you hear in the club with the actual lyrics of the song, you would most likely hear something involving sex, whether it's the action itself or the physique of a lust worthy partner, or even how someone makes you feel. After all sex does sell. Though I often wonder if some rappers even possess the lyrical talent to write something beyond fucking in or outside the club, this however does not denote from how some songs make me feel. Whether you are dancing to said song with a partner or in a circle of your friends or even home alone in your bathrobe, some songs exude sex appeal. Thus for this blog I am going to list and discuss five of my favorite sexy songs, some of which are taken to an even higher level of excitement due to their video alone.

Note: the numerical order does not mean best to worst or even vise versa, merely what came to mind first :)

1. Shakira's "Did it Again" --> lyric example: You were so full of yourself/ But damn, were you cute as well/ You liked my legs, I liked your moves/ Anyone could tell, not a heart could deny that/ Did it again, love, I got it all wrong/ But it felt so right, I can't believe it

This song is about girl who meets a super hot guy and even though she knows he's wrong for her she goes for it and sleeps with him (something I can relate to). She then finds herself consistently going back for more, though she knows it's not the smartest thing to do. Though the song itself may not initially appear to be of high sex appeal, the video is amazingly hot. Especially if you favor sexy dance moves. Shakira and partner do a dance on the bed in resemblance of sex. Not only is their chemistry electrifying but the athleticism is superb, and just plain hot.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igcsNG4aruA&ob=av2n

2. Rihanna's "Te Amo" --> lyric example: Then she said "te amo"/ Then she put her hand around my waist/ I told her no, she cried "te amo"/ I told her I'm not gonna run away, but let me go/...listen we can dance, but you gotta watch your hands/ watch me all night, I'm movin' to the light because I understand

The lyrics to this song are pretty simple and repetitive but the lesbian innuendo is quite clear. The song itself moves in almost a tango like rhythm that makes you want to seduce anyone else who happens to be in the room while you're listening to it. The music video takes this lust and temptation to a whole other level. If you were to put the sound on mute, the video alone would read as an extra sensual high fashion video for vogue. Set on the grounds of a romantic European estate, which only the lucky are able to experience. Frolicking around the estate are Rihanna accompanied by a stunning woman play a cat and mouse game of female attraction. The two of them standing still would ooze sex with just the wink of an eye, however watching them roll around seductively on classic automobiles, Persian rugs, front lawns, and each other is enough to make even the straightest girl wet.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oe4Ic7fHWf8&ob=av3e

3. Def Leppard's "Pour Some Sugar on Me" --> lyric example: Lookin' like a tramp, like a video vamp/Demolition woman, can I be your man?/...I'm hot, sticky sweet/From my head to my feet

For years I have proclaimed this as my ultimate stripper song, if I were to ever grace the pole professionally and I'm sure several women would agree. Sure the lyrics are slightly on the raunchier and grittier side, but the song just makes a girl want to bend down and flip her head back, in slow motion to be capture by the eyes of every guy in the room. As one of my favorite hair metal songs of its time, it has the power of making any girl feel like the sexiest thing in the room.

The video isn't even worth linking since it does not do the song justice

4. Ciara ft Ludacris "Ride" --> lyric example: I can do whenever or however you want/ I can do it up and down. I can do circles/ To him I'm a gymnast, friskin' is my circus/ I market it so good, they can't wait to try me

I'm sure several of my readers have had sex with music on, if so have you ever fucked to a song that appeared to be narrating your movement? This is what this song does to me. It makes me want to act out what Ciara is singing while I'm on top. It gives me that extra boost of confidence to be like yes I'm that good, watch me as I rock my hips all over you. The video turns me on even more than the lyrics, watching Ciara dance makes me wish I was the guy she's singing the song to.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lp6W4aK1sbs

5. Billy Currington's "Must Be Doing Something Right" --> lyric example: A woman is a mystery/ A man just can't understand/ Sometimes all it takes to please her/ Is the touch of your hand

This song represents the romantic side of sexy. The male narrator of the song is amazed at how he lucked out with such a great girl that he is willing to do whatever she wants to please her. The music video shows Billy Currington and female lover rolling around in the sand half naked on a tropical island in black and white. Slightly corny, but mm mm good. Kind of makes a girl wish she was wrapped up in those manly strong arms or even just the girl he wrote the song about. Blue eyed beauties will likely muse the most.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbQfE2Oi6Wo

[stay tuned for round 2 of sexiest songs/videos]

Let Them Eat Sex!

Recently one of my girlfriends wrote on her facebook status, " im seriously getting tired of all of you people going on diets...just have lots of sex and u wont have to worry bout a thing :) xoxo," and I agree, well to some extent. I don't think that sex is necessarily the absolute solution to losing weight and keeping it off, however I do think it's the cheapest & least time consuming. The cheapest? Let me break it down for you (if you only get laid by hookers, need not read further): sex is free, whether or not it's someone you picked up at a bar, your friend with benefits, or your significant other, it's free. If you go to a gym, you have to pay for that membershi, and though that trainer may be the highlight of your week with his large tone arms and his I just want to eat you up abs, boy cost money, and generally too much.

Don't get me wrong a gym membership is a good way to meet a potential sex partner, because at least you will know that the stamina is there. However, you can dismiss the cost of a gym membership and go to a free salsa club. Believe me you will forget all about mister macho huge arms, one you're sund around by Mr. Let Me Whisper Sweet Nothings in A Language You Don't Know But I Doubt You Care While I Dip You With One Arm man.

Woo baby break me off a piece of that!

Moving on: Diets. Generally they are tasteless. Especially the ones you see on T.V. that com with precooked meals. I know from experience not because I went on one of the diets, but because my best friend did. I tasted the food it was horrible with a captial H! It was so bad that she quit the program, which left her with a pile of cardboard disguised as food and a hole in her wallet, which is the biggest issue here. Spending money on pre paid deit food is not the only issue with eating healthy. Healthy food, meaning organic, gluten free, fat free, no hydrogenated oils, etc, all cost more than regular food, especially if that is all you buy. Of course you could go 50/50 on the organic grown berries however it's still money, is it even worth it?

SEX DOESN'T COST A THING BABY!

Not only is sex free it also gives you that Holy-Shit-I-Need-A-Massage-Check-Out-These-Abs-My-Legs-Can-Walk-Up-These-Stairs-Faster-Than-You-Feeling in less time than a programed workout with your trainer or a 5 month plan with your dietitian. Let's be frank, the average sex session (post foreplay) takes no more than 30 minutes for full satisfaction for both parties. Generally people will see their trainer once a week maybe twice for about an hour give or take, but you can have sex everyday if you want! A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! I don't think I need to comment on how long a diet program normall takes but let's say 6 months, and fuck that's long!

So what's the moral of the story? If you want to eat what you like & look fabulous, just have more sex!

[If you don't have anyone to have sex with, and need to know how to find someone, stay tuned for a soon to be blog :) ]