Sex, Drugs, & Other Magical Things

I never felt as free, as the first time I tried it.
I guess I was mad at myself, because I promised myself I wouldn't
Told myself I shouldn't
But I did, and I liked it.
He said everything was going to be ok, as he pushed the hair out of my eyes,
Don't worry I'll take care of you he said, and he did.

I never felt as free, as the first time I tried it.
The cool breeze didn't feel as it should against my bare skin.
I stood there naked looking over the cars and the clouds
And I felt free.
He said come inside, you'll catch a cold.
Told myself I should,
But I didn't, and I was fine.

I never felt as free, as the first time I tried it.
His naked skin pressed against mine,
As goosebumps traveled down my spine,
For moments there I slipped in and out of ecstasy.
He told me that I would
And I did, and I liked it.

He told me you'll never feel as free as the first time that you try it
He was right, and I haven't,
But perhaps I'll try and try again.

Let's Talk Sex Over Wine

(originally written the night of December 1st 2011)

Let's talk sex over a glass of wine, make that a full bottle of wine, Pino Grigio, to be exact, my favorite. Let's talk about this delicious Victoria's Secret Xmas commercial that just came on TV. I do love you, want you, need you, please me. Honestly, was not paying attention to what they were wearing, more so thinking about if I were a guy I would for sure love them, want them, need them. After all who doesn't love a sweet spicy nothing whispered in their ear? Who doesn't love a semi drunk ramble as well...

So I've been thinking lately about relationships and what it is that people are looking for out of them. In an ideal situation I think I would say I desire three things: (best) friendship/companionship, fun playtime, and a lover. I fortunately positively have the first two on lock, and surprisingly they each share the same name. Which I can't name here but we will call them the Fabulous Ds. Best friendship, I have the girls but then I have my best gay friend aka my husband, who thought we've only been "married" for less than a year things are going great. I can always count on him to be there when I need him, and through thick and thin sober or drunk we are always peachey keen. I can only think of one time where we were mad at each other for a second, which was just due to work stress and nothing less or more.

Onton the 2nd disclaimer: playtime and in the sense of an activity partner. I have one of these, he's straight, were platonic, and I love it. Now don't get me wrong dear readers, he's a great guy, amazing on paper and real life, and most all an amazing friend. We've never kissed never even kissed and its amazing, we have a mutual understand that we make each other look good, and lust are each other's partners in crime, in business and entertainment.

And there it is dear readers a drunken ramble I had on December 1st 2011, which ended there. I believe because the guy I was seeing came over and we had sex haha ironic isnt it? I decided to post this blog out of sheer entertainment. I didn't edit anything, so all the grammar mistakes and misspellings can be intrupreted how you like. But for now raise your glass (of pino) and give a cheers to the Fabulous Ds!!!

These Runways are for Planes Not Heels!!

The airport is a perfect place for people watching. As an avid people watcher, I find myself almost instinctively paying close attention to what everyone is wearing, and normally wondering if they got dressed in front of a mirror that morning or not. It is safe to say that there are several people out there who have no idea how to put a decent outfit together and/or what truly looks good on their bodies. If it weren't the case style makeover shows would not be such a hit in our world today. Though I spend much time dissecting in my mind an individual's outfit and how I think I could edit it for the better, sometimes like this morning in the airport, I simply consider context. In other words, I consider why people, particularly women, feel the need to be overly dressed up for certain places.

I'm a girl who loves fashion, so I understand the need/want in wearing heels whenever you want because they make you feel girly. However, paired with a super short super tight boobalicious mini dress at the airport seems a bit much. Yes, your boyfriend who you haven't seen in forever may be picking you up when your flight gets in, but unless he's taking you straight to the club, there is not need to look like a Vegas stripper! Now maybe a wedge or heeled boot (depending on the weather) accompanied by jeans and a sweater or blouse works, giving you that I didn't try to look hot feel. Because here's the thing darling, prancing around in a super short skirt in five inch heels that you constantly have to pull down every five minutes to keep it from hiking up your hips, is not attractive. Don't you want to be comfortable while flying? I'm not saying you have to just roll out of bed and go, but let's be practical.

I have seen the same sort of behavior from women at places such as the baseball game or my favorite the beach. Your man got you tickets to the baseball game, I guarantee he's going to think you are way more attractive if you show up in a team jersey and jeans while sippin' on an ice cold beer, rather then stilettos and a shirt you will for sure need to dry clean if a greasy ball park dog comes near it. Come on ladies! It's like when you show up to a sports bar and order a martini at the bar when they have 25 amazing beers on tap! Why did you even show up to that bar? Because that's where the guys go? Well they aren't gonna want to talk to your high strung ass if you order a cosmo, same as if you were heels to the game that you will probably trip in getting to your bleacher seats.

The beach is a fan favorite for people watching: cute suits, ugly suits, hot guys, fat guys, screaming kids, sleeping parents, lobster sunburns, and bodacious babes, but you do know that there is sand at the beach, right?! Well did you know that when you wear heels in sand, they sink? Not an ideal situation, especially if you wore those heels because they make your legs look fab. Now normally if you were walking on a solid surface guys would be like, "Damn look at those gams!" but instead they are like she's walking weird! Or a more common reaction, "Man that chick looks like she just got fucked up the ass!" Not the reaction you were looking for right? Even better, other women will be making fun of you, because that's what girls do: hate on other women, we can't help it it's like this weird genetic malfunction. Even I won't attempt to wear heels in the sand, and I model. Heels in sand or grass, definite fail.

Now don't assume dear readers that I have never made a bad judgment call in terms of attire, because I have. I normally lean towards the opinion that it's better to be a bit over dressed than under, but there are different extremes. You're not going to wear a prom dress to meet the parents, but showing up in a nice summer cocktail dress, even if it's Sunday brunch isn't terrible. Probably one of my biggest fashion mistakes happened on Valentine's Day nearly 2 years ago. Now the boyfriend of the time does take some fault for this mistake, because someone neglected to call ahead and say we were taking the motorcycle out instead of the car, but whatever I could have changed. Instead, I decided that it would be totally fine and acceptable to ride on the back of his motorcycle wearing a short dress, definitely not appropriate. Basically, the only thing that was saving me from exposing my britney to everyone on the road, was the fact that I was pushed up against the ex's back. But then I also had to deal with getting off the bike which in a dress is any 80s Hair Metal fan's dream, but it does not occur as gracefully as one would fantasize.

So there it is, we all have our fashion blunders, our what and what nots to do, but in the end just do your thing, just take a moment to think of the consequences. For example, I don't know anyone who has bragged about ending up on the worst dressed list, just saying...

Note: not knockin lady ga ga's style, but the aiport for real? and it was a hilarious photo...

To Sext or To Have Sex?

Sexting, most people do it, I don't. It reminds me of high school or my freshmen year of college where I thought a boy would like me if I gave him that sort of sexual attention, but I've grown out of that faze. Today when a guy attempts to sext me, it's an automatic turn off. It feels like I'm reading and then copy writing a soft core porn script. In my mind it's humorous that someone would think that the person on the other line is actually sitting there masturbating to whatever sexual context the texter is sending. Maybe I'm just biased because I find myself to be a more visual person, and prefer porn. Most women who I've spoken to watch porn, and even the few who say they enjoy sexting men, don't say they actually get off to it. So what's the point then, to feel more intimate and attached to someone? Isn't that what phone sex is or cyber sex or real sex is for?

Now don't get me wrong, I understand long distance relationships suck, and sometimes you get really horny and you really miss your other half. But to be honest I'd rather get a, "I miss your beautiful face or My pillow still smells like you," text, instead of a, "What would you do to me if I were in your bed naked or send me a dirty photo," text any day. Maybe deep down I'm more of a romantic or maybe I just enjoy the built up tension that irrupts when you're actually skin on skin opposed to waiting on a response via the phone. One of my girlfriends, who actually approves of sexting, said something I find very interesting when discussing the topic, "Sexting is a good tease for those you don't want to touch." I had never really thought about it in that light until she said it. Though hilarious and a low blow to the ego of any guy she's sexted before, her perspective is one to consider. Personally, I probably wouldn't waste my time sexting a guy I wouldn't actually fuck, but to each his own.

I would however like to touch base on the evolution of sexting that has gone beyond the spoken word into the sending of sexy/hot/or pornographic photos of oneself to any willing receiver. It seems now a days men think that in order to woo a woman or that it is generally appropriate to ask a girl whom you barely know to send a dirty photo of herself. What makes a guy think that if she didn't have sex with you on the first night that she'd be willing to send a picture of her boobs the next? Even better is when a guy sends a photo of himself full frontal nude to a woman without warning. Unless you truly have a gorgeous penis, and I mean porn star status right color right girth right length, then it's probably not worth the send. Especially, if she's yet to see you naked. Of course I dont speak for everyone in my dislike of this sort of correspondence, but wheres the class?

I have a girlfriend, who recently split from her boyfriend of nearly a year, she was ecstatic when an American Greek God of a man asked her out to dinner. She texted me saying she was more than thrilled and I would definitely approve. However, a few hours later I get a panicked text from her, explaining that this gorgeous man had just sent her a photo of himself without warning, which she forwarded to me (another reason why sending photos to one person, usually means more than one person = bad idea). The photo was of his shirtless chest, face cropped off as well as at the waist. In both our eyes the photo was pointless, and not overly impressive. What was more unimpressive was the fact that after asking my girl to dinner the AGG thought sending a photo of his half naked body was the next step. To make matters worse when I told her to respond with, "that's hot but I can't see your face," in hopes that he would send a photo of his face, instead he responded with a full frontal image penis and all (which she forwarded to me as well). She told him, upon my advice, that he obviously had the wrong idea, and she didn't realize dinner was code for sex. He simply responded, that if she changed her mind to let him know.

What has become of modern day dating? Should a girl really assume that dinner means sex or otherwise? And if we offer you our phone number does that mean the only way you know how to text is to sext? I was told once that I was high strung because I wouldn't send a sexy photo of myself to a guy that I had known for less than 24 hours. What happened to guys respecting a classy woman or one that has some moral code? Also news flash: just because I model does not mean I will send you suggestive photos of myself. If you really want to see that seductive look in my eyes, I'm guessing since you have my number we're friends on Facebook, my ports on there, check it out. Common sense dude, don't tell me to send you a photo because you are a visual person, that's what Facebook is for, or rather a real life in person conversation. Forget sexting, come over!

A Smile, A Drink, An Absolute Wink

Hello my name is Kate and I have a bartender problem. If there were ever to be an addiction to be had, this would be mine. Whether it is a life or death matter or effectively serious, the jury is still out, however I have a bartender problem. It is safe to say that single Kate will most likely fall for the guy behind the bar on the night out with the girls rather than the several options on the other side. People say that while on the prowl you should always have the bartender on your side (and anyone else working), that way when in doubt you have their support, whether it's another shot of tequila to kill the heartache or a heads up that the girl you're talking to is a crazy. Not only does that bartender seem to hold supreme power over the festivities for the night to come, but they have this magical way of making you feel like you are the only one in the room. And though you know if the back of your head that you are not the first recipient to the smile plastered across their face, they still are able to convince you otherwise.

Only those who are able to charm the bitchiest of people are hired as bartenders. That and the hottest; however those who know how to talk the talk but may be considered a 5, can suddenly appear to be a 10 behind glossy vodka eyes. I wouldn't be surprised if we'd all be there, had a 3 hour love affair with a bartender, but my problem stretches further than that. My affairs tend to last past the first night and beyond the bar, into weeks of flirtation, and the reminder in the back of my mind, "Darlin' you should never date a bartender."

Thinking back pretty far my love affair with bartenders probably started at the age of 16, where the thought of dating a boy my own age was the farthest thing from my mind. I went to a cousin's wedding in Wisconsin where, at 16 I could sit at the bar, but not order a drink. I spent my nights flirting up a storm with the 21 year old bartender at the hotel bar. Looking back the age difference was quite perverted on his part. Needless to say I left at the end of the week with his phone number and address, written on a piece of paper, which he gave willingly without my personal request of them. I was infatuated and obviously naive.

Since I never got a fake ID, the affair was put on hold until I turned 21, where my naivety slipped away and was replaced by remarkable networking skills. Not only did I become friends with the staff of my favorite go to spots, but I fell back in love with the presents of the bartender. No, I didn't hook up with or date every bartender which I gained some correspondence with, but the list of affairs did increase.

Yes, there are obvious perks to dating a bartender, such as never waiting to be served, staying after hours, and the major bonus to most: free drinks, but those are all minor in my mind. I just can't get enough of the attention and their air of confidence which normally stems observation rather than practical experience. That being said, from my experience I think bartenders have a Kate problem as well. Is that a cocky statement? Yes, but it's not without reason. As a bartender (from what I'm told) girls or even guy often leave their numbers on napkins/receipts, or flirt up a storm in order to be the chosen of the night. The one with the honor of going home or being called by said bartender. That being said they have several options, and any bartender who claims otherwise is likely just being modest.

Maybe it's because I don't throw my panties at them right away which has them coming back for more. But likely it's because I put them on some sort of pedestal and yern to know you they are beyond the delicious drinks and sharp witted tongue. Everyone likes attention right? Who knows, but I have a bartender problem. The affairs generally don't last longer than a month or so, because from what I can tell bartenders are a fun time but lack long term romance. But who can blame them? They are surrounded by beautiful enticing people every night, ones with their own secrets waiting to be shared over a cigarette in tussled sheets, and who better to be that partner in crime then them?

Bartenders, they all turn into the one who got away, the one that could have been, should have been, if there'd only been a way. But you never date someone who can sweep you off your feet, with just one shot and just one wink.

If you still don't get the feeling Lady Gag sings it well:

You taste like whiskey when you kiss me oh/ I'll give anything again to be your baby doll/ This time I'm not leaving without you/ He said, "Sit back down where you belong/ In the corner of my bar with your high heels on/ Sit back down on the couch where we/ Made love for the first time and you said to me"/ Something, something about this place/ Something 'bout lonely nights and my lipstick on your face/...Yeah, something about, baby, you and I

New Word: Friendcest

One of the reasons I chose to go to a big state university like the University of Arizona was because I had been through small private schooling my entire life. I graduated from both my 8th grade and senior high school classes with no more than 65 students. Meaning everyone knew everyone's business, even if not everyone was everyone's friend. Thus, I was drawn to the concept of a big school, one where the possibility of walking around campus and seeing strangers was an option, and one could make a new friend everyday without eventually knowing the entire student body.

Once entering the University I soon realized that yes there were people that I saw whom I never knew the name of, however the number of people who knew my business grew as well. The upside is I became a master networker. Though I had my core group of friends, I also knew several other people I could escape to if I needed a break or change of pace.

The downside was the incest, the coupling and re coupling or hooking up with multiple people within the group. When certain groups become so close with one another, they often become protective of the group, and deter from new comers, thus mating with each other in various combinations. We're like a pack of wolves (or any pack animal), yet instead of mating with only one and sticking to it, there's a melding of sorts. We throw logic and consequence out the window, follow lust, and start dating our ex's friend or the guy our best girl fooled around with last summer, and everything is peace love and daisies, or is it?

Looking back, I realized that these intimate friendships within groups, was not something that just occurred amongst college students, but in high schools as well. For example, a good friend of mine who went to a different high school, was part of what I like to call a Friendcest Group. Her group of friends was made up of eight gorgeous girls and eight gorgeous guys, literally picture perfect, definitely blockbuster worthy. It turns out they all dated each other, and if they didn't actually date another officially, they at the very least fooled around. Supposedly, the guys would even discuss with one another which of "the 8" they had yet to hook up with, almost as if they were collecting baseball cards or concert stubs. And though there was always the occasional bruised heart or hurt feelings the group remained as close as ever, even to this day.

From my observation, this overwhelming pool of love and lust between mutual friends can work, but most of the time causes some tension if not spontaneous combustion of friendships. Which are filled with too much he said she said, girl code guy code, and what is morally right or wrong. Even after these episodes happen and things seemingly go back to normal, and one person may or may not be part of the group anymore because they fucked a friend's ex, the cycle still seems to be repeated, lesson unlearned.

Thus, its safe to conclude: hot friends = incest & from my experience of attempting to date outside the core group, networking = the 8 degrees of separation aka public incest. Which is unfortunate when that really hot tall dark and handsome let me spin you around the dance floor guy, turns out to be the same guy your friend knows from experience as a manwhore. FML

What to Do with the F of C

Fear of commitment; most people feel that this is a burden to have in the back of one's mind. That if you fear commitment then you will never be in a stable relationship, that perhaps you will let the "one" slip away, maybe you'll become too cynical and never find love. But what if you don't ear commitment? What if you are cynical about love because you've had your heart stomped on several times all due to the fact that you're too willing for love? I am one of these people.

I don't have a fear of commitment. I've often been told by friends after each and every pitfall of every single relation(shit) which I have procured, that I am too generous with my heart. That I give people the benefit of the doubt too willingly, that I don't take first impressions seriously enough. And like any normal human being, I took my friends' advice to heart at the time, but not to the head, and thus fell into the same pattern with the next guy.

In my head if I don't believe the actions and words of the one I desire are honest, then I am not giving them a chance. So I choose to believe in every kiss goodnight, every I miss you, every meet my friends, meet my parents, grabbing my hand in public, and text good morning, because like majority of women, I believe in the fairytale, as cliche as it may be. However, looking back on what seems to be mistake after relationship after mistake of improper choice of guy, I sometimes wish I had a fear of commitment. Maybe if I had a fear of commitment then last time this happened to me I wouldn't have been as crushed; I would have believed it wasn't going to work out in the first place. There would be no surprise factor.

Honestly though as much as I sometimes wish I had this issue, in my mind I'm glad I dont. I realize now that I can be too trusting, and that's something I should work on, but what is a girl to do? So I ask my male readers, what is it that you expect us to do? I find that when in a budding relationship with a guy they always claim trust and honesty are a must in relationships, especially when it is established that no games are being played. However, then the girl agrees and believes you and everything you do, then after a month or so you (the guy) end it because you claim you don't want to be in a relationship. Well how is that not a game? Or is it ok for you to play and us to not?

Looking at if from an outside view I'm not surprised that more and more women are joining this group of commitment phoebes. Majority of the women who I know with commitment issues are ones that may have had one real long/strong relationship, one with real weight, and/or they have several friends whom have had their hearts broken repedeatly. It's only natural after watching friend after friend feel broken used and dismissed by a guy, to then turn around and fear relationships yourself.

Now guys, you will claim and you will always claim that you don't play games, maybe you are over that faze. And if that is true then I think perhaps there is a disconnection of communication to your head your heart and your dick. Just because she feels good in your arms and fucks really good and now you have someone to share your boring meals with, doesn't mean it's then ok to crush her hopes and tell her you're not read for a relationship. Because guess what? You've been acting like your are in one alread!

Oh and please, please, I guarantee I speak for the majority of the female population when I say this, stop using the "I was scared" card. Because guess what? I wasn't! And I'm the girl. Aren't you supposed to be the man? Aren't you supposed to have balls? Aren't you the one who is supposed to be living life fearlessly? If the "I'm scared" card continues to be pulled, more women are going to become fearful as weel. And what are we left with? More single parents, more babies running around, more resentment for the opposite sex, and no love. No love?! What would the Beatles thing? To shame!! Haha

But seriously, something is wrong when one who believes in love, starts wishing they feared it.