Wednesday, November 23, 2011

These Runways are for Planes Not Heels!!


The airport is a perfect place for people watching. As an avid people watcher, I find myself almost instinctively paying close attention to what everyone is wearing, and normally wondering if they got dressed in front of a mirror that morning or not. It is safe to say that there are several people out there who have no idea how to put a decent outfit together and/or what truly looks good on their bodies. If it weren't the case style makeover shows would not be such a hit in our world today. Though I spend much time dissecting in my mind an individual's outfit and how I think I could edit it for the better, sometimes like this morning in the airport, I simply consider context. In other words, I consider why people, particularly women, feel the need to be overly dressed up for certain places.

I'm a girl who loves fashion, so I understand the need/want in wearing heels whenever you want because they make you feel girly. However, paired with a super short super tight boobalicious mini dress at the airport seems a bit much. Yes, your boyfriend who you haven't seen in forever may be picking you up when your flight gets in, but unless he's taking you straight to the club, there is not need to look like a Vegas stripper! Now maybe a wedge or heeled boot (depending on the weather) accompanied by jeans and a sweater or blouse works, giving you that I didn't try to look hot feel. Because here's the thing darling, prancing around in a super short skirt in five inch heels that you constantly have to pull down every five minutes to keep it from hiking up your hips, is not attractive. Don't you want to be comfortable while flying? I'm not saying you have to just roll out of bed and go, but let's be practical.

I have seen the same sort of behavior from women at places such as the baseball game or my favorite the beach. Your man got you tickets to the baseball game, I guarantee he's going to think you are way more attractive if you show up in a team jersey and jeans while sippin' on an ice cold beer, rather then stilettos and a shirt you will for sure need to dry clean if a greasy ball park dog comes near it. Come on ladies! It's like when you show up to a sports bar and order a martini at the bar when they have 25 amazing beers on tap! Why did you even show up to that bar? Because that's where the guys go? Well they aren't gonna want to talk to your high strung ass if you order a cosmo, same as if you were heels to the game that you will probably trip in getting to your bleacher seats.

The beach is a fan favorite for people watching: cute suits, ugly suits, hot guys, fat guys, screaming kids, sleeping parents, lobster sunburns, and bodacious babes, but you do know that there is sand at the beach, right?! Well did you know that when you wear heels in sand, they sink? Not an ideal situation, especially if you wore those heels because they make your legs look fab. Now normally if you were walking on a solid surface guys would be like, "Damn look at those gams!" but instead they are like she's walking weird! Or a more common reaction, "Man that chick looks like she just got fucked up the ass!" Not the reaction you were looking for right? Even better, other women will be making fun of you, because that's what girls do: hate on other women, we can't help it it's like this weird genetic malfunction. Even I won't attempt to wear heels in the sand, and I model. Heels in sand or grass, definite fail.

Now don't assume dear readers that I have never made a bad judgment call in terms of attire, because I have. I normally lean towards the opinion that it's better to be a bit over dressed than under, but there are different extremes. You're not going to wear a prom dress to meet the parents, but showing up in a nice summer cocktail dress, even if it's Sunday brunch isn't terrible. Probably one of my biggest fashion mistakes happened on Valentine's Day nearly 2 years ago. Now the boyfriend of the time does take some fault for this mistake, because someone neglected to call ahead and say we were taking the motorcycle out instead of the car, but whatever I could have changed. Instead, I decided that it would be totally fine and acceptable to ride on the back of his motorcycle wearing a short dress, definitely not appropriate. Basically, the only thing that was saving me from exposing my britney to everyone on the road, was the fact that I was pushed up against the ex's back. But then I also had to deal with getting off the bike which in a dress is any 80s Hair Metal fan's dream, but it does not occur as gracefully as one would fantasize.

So there it is, we all have our fashion blunders, our what and what nots to do, but in the end just do your thing, just take a moment to think of the consequences. For example, I don't know anyone who has bragged about ending up on the worst dressed list, just saying...

Note: not knockin lady ga ga's style, but the aiport for real? and it was a hilarious photo...

Sunday, November 20, 2011

To Sext or To Have Sex?


Sexting, most people do it, I don't. It reminds me of high school or my freshmen year of college where I thought a boy would like me if I gave him that sort of sexual attention, but I've grown out of that faze. Today when a guy attempts to sext me, it's an automatic turn off. It feels like I'm reading and then copy writing a soft core porn script. In my mind it's humorous that someone would think that the person on the other line is actually sitting there masturbating to whatever sexual context the texter is sending. Maybe I'm just biased because I find myself to be a more visual person, and prefer porn. Most women who I've spoken to watch porn, and even the few who say they enjoy sexting men, don't say they actually get off to it. So what's the point then, to feel more intimate and attached to someone? Isn't that what phone sex is or cyber sex or real sex is for?

Now don't get me wrong, I understand long distance relationships suck, and sometimes you get really horny and you really miss your other half. But to be honest I'd rather get a, "I miss your beautiful face or My pillow still smells like you," text, instead of a, "What would you do to me if I were in your bed naked or send me a dirty photo," text any day. Maybe deep down I'm more of a romantic or maybe I just enjoy the built up tension that irrupts when you're actually skin on skin opposed to waiting on a response via the phone. One of my girlfriends, who actually approves of sexting, said something I find very interesting when discussing the topic, "Sexting is a good tease for those you don't want to touch." I had never really thought about it in that light until she said it. Though hilarious and a low blow to the ego of any guy she's sexted before, her perspective is one to consider. Personally, I probably wouldn't waste my time sexting a guy I wouldn't actually fuck, but to each his own.

I would however like to touch base on the evolution of sexting that has gone beyond the spoken word into the sending of sexy/hot/or pornographic photos of oneself to any willing receiver. It seems now a days men think that in order to woo a woman or that it is generally appropriate to ask a girl whom you barely know to send a dirty photo of herself. What makes a guy think that if she didn't have sex with you on the first night that she'd be willing to send a picture of her boobs the next? Even better is when a guy sends a photo of himself full frontal nude to a woman without warning. Unless you truly have a gorgeous penis, and I mean porn star status right color right girth right length, then it's probably not worth the send. Especially, if she's yet to see you naked. Of course I dont speak for everyone in my dislike of this sort of correspondence, but wheres the class?

I have a girlfriend, who recently split from her boyfriend of nearly a year, she was ecstatic when an American Greek God of a man asked her out to dinner. She texted me saying she was more than thrilled and I would definitely approve. However, a few hours later I get a panicked text from her, explaining that this gorgeous man had just sent her a photo of himself without warning, which she forwarded to me (another reason why sending photos to one person, usually means more than one person = bad idea). The photo was of his shirtless chest, face cropped off as well as at the waist. In both our eyes the photo was pointless, and not overly impressive. What was more unimpressive was the fact that after asking my girl to dinner the AGG thought sending a photo of his half naked body was the next step. To make matters worse when I told her to respond with, "that's hot but I can't see your face," in hopes that he would send a photo of his face, instead he responded with a full frontal image penis and all (which she forwarded to me as well). She told him, upon my advice, that he obviously had the wrong idea, and she didn't realize dinner was code for sex. He simply responded, that if she changed her mind to let him know.

What has become of modern day dating? Should a girl really assume that dinner means sex or otherwise? And if we offer you our phone number does that mean the only way you know how to text is to sext? I was told once that I was high strung because I wouldn't send a sexy photo of myself to a guy that I had known for less than 24 hours. What happened to guys respecting a classy woman or one that has some moral code? Also news flash: just because I model does not mean I will send you suggestive photos of myself. If you really want to see that seductive look in my eyes, I'm guessing since you have my number we're friends on Facebook, my ports on there, check it out. Common sense dude, don't tell me to send you a photo because you are a visual person, that's what Facebook is for, or rather a real life in person conversation. Forget sexting, come over!