The Curse of Arizona aka The Bad Boy Curse

I'd like to blame it on the heat, which is what I've tried to convince myself is the cause for everything this summer, but since it is not hot all year round here in Arizona, this one thing it cannot be blamed for. After several years of being a serial dater here in Arizona, the boys/men/guys have all proven one thing to me, that there must be a curse on this state, which I like to call the Bad Boy Curse.

It's been my experience that Arizona, specifically Tucson, breeds bad men. Even if you were not born and raised in the state, but then move here, you will at some point become an asshole if you were not one already. You will become what we women consider bad boys. You may be gorgeous, you may be tall and strong, you are most likely but not always covered in tattoos, you may know how to dance, you may own an amazing set of wheels or you may prefer to walk, you are probably an amazing kisser, and most often then not great in bed, but most importantly you know exactly how to sweep us (girls) off our feet, until a few weeks later where we see what a massive asshole you really are, and instead of landing on cloud nine we land in a pile of shit holding onto our broken hearts.

Personally, I'm an independent woman and get over the fact that you were a waste of my time rather quickly, but that does not set aside the fact that you seemed amazing but turned out to be the opposite. Nearly, every guy I've ever dated while living in Arizona has fallen under this curse. If that's true then you might ask me, "Why don't you date a different type of guy?" well dear reader I have dated all sorts of guys. They rarely ever fall into the same stereotypical category other then the curse.

Now don't get me wrong I realize that not 100% of the male race living in Arizona falls under this curse, but I would say 92% do, or at least from what I can tell. And for that 8% that have developed some sort of immunity to the curse, well they are snatched up so quickly, that literally not figuratively, in the blink of my eyes, they are spoken for. And since they are so amazing, once they are snatched up they are rarely seen on the market again.

I do suspect though there are a select few men that are able to fight off the curse and somehow cure themselves, however this is rare, and hard to find. And just thinking about this curse makes me want to try girls on for size again. After all, every time I'm with one of these soon to be heart breakers, all I ever crave is a make out sesh with a chick, but that is neither here nor there, so ladies beware of the curse!

The Stage Fright Penis & Then Some

This blog is in honor of my dear friend A. and a crisis which seems to occur in some men called the Stage Fright Penis. Most commonly occurs in those young men who we woman can't get enough of, that one guy that you don't know why but you just want to pounce him every chance you get. Then when you finally get him in bed with his cloths of, all your dreams are shattered because he can't get it up. Or in my girls case he starts to get it up but than gets a stomach cramp and has to stop. A stomach cramp?! Seriously? You know what I would say if my man was like I have a stomach cramp, I'd say man the fuck up, or atleast lie down and let me get on top of you so we can both still get something out of this.

Turns out this guy couldnt get it up on several other occasions, yet everynight she went over to hang out with him he would ask her to stay. But why would she stay if there isnt going to be a happy ending?

My theory abouth this stage fright stems from a simple thing we all like to call the school boy crush. I dont mean that fabulous myth we all heard growing up about boys being mean to you if they like you, because honestly theres a 50/50 chance that that is actually true. I mean the nervous, mumbling of words, following you like a puppy dog, eyes smile everytime youre around thing that happens most commonly when a younger guy likes and older woman. Once they reach college though, they add this thing in with the penis, he wants the penis to work, but for some strange reason (even with a super hot girl in front of them), the penis falls as flat as the muffled words falling out of his mouth. I.e. may I present to you the not so amazing Stage Fright Penis! A Performance that will never be sold out and despite acting classes may always have a seat in the back of our minds.

The circumstance becomes one that is more fraustrating then anything, and these questions then start to pop into any girls mind: What if this is only a one time occurance? If it's a one time occurance, does that mean this is just some random fluke? OMG This is so lame, maybe I should just go home. But what if he wants to see me again? Maybe I could train him, I'm so sick of training guys....And here enlies the bigger issue and the ultimate disappointment of the Stage Fright Penis, the fear of having to train them into performing on their own. Sometimes training can be fun, but not if we want pleasure now! We don't want a drooling puppy dog we want a strong stiff beast!