Career Title: Whore

The other night I went to a local bar, stumbling distance from my apartment, in order to make a sparkless date start a fire, and I found the perfect igniter and her name is Nixon. It was basically love at first sight for both of us, once we realized we're both loud, candid, honest, and don't deal with bullshit, especially from men. Not to mention we seem to have the same taste in fashion and the "pretty" boys we let keep us company. Therefore it would not be hard for anyone to believe that my attention turned to her for the rest of the night and not on my date, who for the next two hours didn't even attempt to add to any of the conversations that took place.

One of the topics of conversation that came up was that Ms Nixon used to be a stripper. Which I wasn't too surprised by because she seemed like quite a sexual person, however she only did topless and this is why: "I'm not fucking rubbing my vag up and down some nasty pole that doesn't get cleaned after each dance. I heard what those bitches said in the back, I don't want herpes!" hahaha Totally understandable. Of course the guys who chimed in thought her excuse was ridiculous and kept asking "what if the pole was cleaned?!" Yet they never quite got the point, until I pointed out that she was making a statement that she would never rub her vag up and down a public pole even if it was supposedly cleaned each time.

The conversation was entertaining to say the least and got me thinking about stripping. No no not me stripping per say, but the thought about having an audience paying to see you dance is intriguing. Isn't it the same as paying to see the ballet or a hip hop crew? The answer I would assume, would be no to most people. Strippers take their clothes off, they are sluts or whores. But it is their choice to take their clothes off isn't it? And the people who pay to see them dance, well it was their choice to do that too, right? So what's the big deal. Art students and Universities pay models to pose nude for art classes, but yet those models aren't seen as slutty, when there really is no difference. They are paid to take their clothes off for an audience.

Are porn stars whores? I guess in technical terms many would say yes because they have slept with G-d knows how many people, but it is their job too. Are you only a slut if you don't get paid to do it?

What about go-go dancers or burlesque dancers. These are sexual jobs that people consider classier than perhaps a stripper or a porn star, but the differences are minimal. Go-go dancers don't take off their clothes, but they get paid to dance hours on end, generally in suggestive manners. Many of them can work the pole as good as any stripper, so why are they accepted but strippers aren't? Burlesque dancers do strip, but it is considered and artistic performance and they are generally not completely naked in front of the audience. Which brings up the question, if you can call it art is it ok? What if a stripper were to say, "the way I dance is an art form, my body is a symbol of feminine sexuality to be studied by those so willing." Makes it sound pretty good, huh?


"The whore is despised by the hypocritical world because she has made a realistic assessment of her assets and does not rely on fraud to make a living...her honesty is regarded with mocking wonder," (Angela Carter). Agreed.

May I Keep You?

If there were ever the perfect movie to inspire me to write a blog about, it would be "Strictly Sexual," about two roommates who hire two guys to live in their pool house to have sex with them whenever they want, as kept men. Not only does the movie do a good job with character development it also gives an inside look into the male female dynamic, and what makes the other tick. Prostitution or escorts are generally viewed as a female dominated sport in social media, however the prospect of a kept man does come up frequently in the discussion of cougars. But what if you are a younger woman who decides that having a guy around to use for sexual pleasure is the poison which you choose to take?

My girl T and I have often joked about kidnapping our two favorite past lovers and keeping them for pure entertainment. Though the action will likely never take place based off legal factors, what if they came willingly? We are both stuck in love/hate relationships with them, where they both love us and we hate them, however each time their eyes grace our bodies, lust takes over and we give in. In that respect we have chosen to keep little to no constant contact which each, but if there were ever the chance to keep them around as long as we'd like, we'd take it.

So why not surpass societies natural responses to the situation and jump right into the sort of relationship many people would probably gladly consider? After all, men love sex, women love sex, why not bring the two together? Men seem to have this preconceived notion that if you just asked us to fuck we would automatically say no. What they may not understand is that sometimes we don't like to deal with the messiness of a relationship as much as they do. Which is one of the reasons people have one night stands, right? You get to enjoy the lust and the passion and not worry about where the person is or who they are with the next day. Of course with the concept of a kept man there would most likely be rules, such as can they or can't they run off and have sex with other people too? Likely not.

I suppose that's what the playboy bunnies are, kept women. They have a curfew, an allowance, and are supposed (or so I've heard) to have sex with Hugh Hefner. Once the kept person or the "employer" decide they want out, each party goes on their separate ways.

Its the companionship without the crazy, although based off observation guys love crazy...

Penis in a Jar

Recently I went people watching with my boy KB at one of our favorite bars in Tempe, Arizona. We soon realized that there were slim pickings for each of us, which was depressing, so we just kept ourselves entertained with each others witty remarks. At one point this drunk boy sat down with us and offered to buy each of us a drink. We had been drinking Stella (yum!) but I was starting to feel a little buzzed so I chose to switch it up with a bud light (bottle). After all it drinks like water but is alcohol so its perfect for those situations. Anyway, the kid asks why I want a bud light, I say I want a different taste in my mouth. He replies, "Why, isn't his taste already in your mouth?!" (referring to KB) hahahahah fucking hilarious, we tell him were like besties so no.

We then get into the discussion of can a guy and a girl really be just friends? Despite movies like "When Harry met Sally" I think yes and this is why. In reiterating, something Chris Rock once said, if you are a guy you either have girls who are friends (ones who you have yet to fuck but will) or you have friends who are girls (ones who at one point you wanted to fuck but you took a wrong turn into the friends zone). These girls think of you as their "dick in a jar," left high on the shelf for safe keeping for that 1% chance she run out of luck and she wants to fuck. In that case she'll take you down and try you out for size (literally and figuratively). Now as a guy you would never try because you know she thinks of you as just a friend, but if that small chance comes your way and she wants sex, you'd fuck her.

Now what most guys perhaps realize or don't, is that us girls will likely never take you out of the jar, because we appreciate our friendships. Personally, I have several guy friends, most of which I cringe at the thought of them having any sexual relationships with anyone because they are like step brothers in my eyes. However, there have been a few situations, when intoxicated, where I've thought maybe, but then I start thinking straight and don't go there. However, from experience and word of mouth I'm pretty sure most of those guys who have friends who are girls, still think about fucking them, especially if they are hot girls.

Then there are the unfortunate few guys, who fall head over heels for said friends and try to get her to feel the same way. I'm sorry life is not like the movies, despite what society wants to believe, and most of the time she will not return his feelings. And that's where you men pull the "all or nothing card." This in any situation is the stupidest thing for anyone to do. Never pull the "all or nothing card" unless you are 100% sure the other party will pick you, otherwise they wont and you just fucked up a good friendship. You should never make anyone choose between two people.

1. if they do choose you, there will still be left over tension from the fact that they were asked to choose from the get go. Then you'll have the constant thoughts in your head about well do they still think about the other person, after all they were into that other situation for a reason. And the guy/girl who did choose your way, will come to resent you. Resent, a word we should all learn to hate.

2. If they choose the other option, you just fucked up a good thing, even if you remain friends, the resentment is there.

Now, like most friendships between men and women, in the beginning there is always that lust based off pure physical attraction. You either were like damn they are hot or they aren't. If they weren't attractive in your mind, that slide into just friends is easy, at least on your side. However, if you were attracted to them, and you were positive they were into you, then fucking say something! If its in the beginning you don't really have any risk of ruining a friendship that was never really there to begin with. What many guys don't realise is that, we women like to fuck just about as much as you do. And if you don't want to date us but just fuck, say it. True we might not like the truth, but were big girls we can deal with it. We'll either fuck you anyways or move on to the next.

Here's where the idea of "fuck buddies" comes into play. If that is all you want then say it! Don't dance around the truth, just tell us. If no agreement is made then both parties will move on.

Yes, I know men like the chase, well try this one on for size: She says she doesn't want to just be a fuck buddy, so she walks away...well fucking keep chasing her if that's what gets you off!

However, what many men don't realise is that we women are a lot more calculative then you think....

Yummy, Porn!

This is a blog about sex so lets talk PORN! Everyone should watch porn, or at the very least everyone should masturbate, and even if you say you don't, I know you do. If you really aren't lying about masturbating or not, you should jump on the band wagon, especially if you live a stressful life. If I'm stressed out or can't sleep I masturbate, after all it is much healthier then smoking a cigarette or drinking or even stress eating. Personally, I prefer to watch porn while I masturbate, and I'm guessing the majority of the male population of the world feels the same. And surprise surprise men, women enjoy porn too! I have a handful of girlfriends who I know for a fact watch porn or have watched porn at some point in their lives because they have flat out told me. Thank g-d for the Internet, because now any and every one of your fantasies can be displayed for FREE for your viewing! AWESOME

[Now don't get confused, and assume that I approve of kiddy porn, rape, or anything similar, because I don't. No those sick bastards have abused the concept of porn, but I'm not going to get into this subject today.]

It is fascinating how much sex sells, and for those conservatives who blame everything for what their kids do on the media and exploitation of sex, well I bet those are the people who have never had a real orgasm! Now I don't necessarily think that your daughter should be let out of the house if she chooses to prance around like a little slut, but there is such a thing a sexy over slutty. As long as you educated kids on condoms, birth control, diseases, etc.. then who gives a shit if they watch porn?! Oh right I forgot, its a sin. But I've never seen the term porn in the bible, so get over it.

One of my favorite movies of all time is, "The Girl Next Door," about a high school senior who meets the girl of his dreams, and she just happens to be a famous porn star. Congrats to the people who came up with that storyline; it's a perfect way to bring in the target audience of young adult males who we all know LOVE porn. Not to mention the open-minded chicks like myself who enjoyed the movie as well. One of the plot lines in the film deals with how sex-ed videos suck, and because they suck teens aren't paying too much attention to them in class. So how do you reach your target audience of 12-18 yr olds? PORN! In the film the characters come up with and produce a sex ed film acted out by porn stars, genius! I would watch it, and since you're reading this blog, I'm guessing you would too. From my knowledge no one as stolen this idea, but I think someone totally should. Because honestly watching the "Miracle of Life" doesn't make me not want to have sex, just not ever have a baby. Sure, in that sense it promotes birth control, but the thought of going through the pain of giving birth is not the least bit appealing.

This leads me to consider once again the affect of using sex to sell anything. People generally gravitate towards things that attract them, things that make them feel good. So bravo Abercrombie for those gorgeous buff men you have splattered all over your walls! Because not only is he hot but just the thought of him in my bed gets me wet! Why do you think so many teen queens love that store? Lots of color, hot babes on the walls, that sexy cologne smell, oh and hot staff! Personally, Abercombie is a little to preppy for my style, but I still understand the attraction.

Sex sells, and in with the economic state were in today, it should be kept in the back of your mind. SEX & BOOZE, I'm thinking an investment in a strip club is probably a good idea ;)

Lesbi-honest!

Last night I did something slightly sluttier than my normal taste, however quite satisfactory Because I got to make out with a chick more than once. My girl O and I were entered into an "I kissed a girl and I liked it" contest to be judged by the patrons of the bar. We were told to stand on the stage and suck face for 45 seconds, while the audience (of course) took photos and video. Who knows you many get a chance to watch me kiss a girl all over the internet, luck you. The whole scenerio brought me back to my freshmen year of college, where drunk or sober I would choose to kiss almost any girl over any guy. To this day I can honestly not tell you how many girls I have ever kissed, due to the fact that that semester was a drunken blur.

I have only kissed one girl who I can say for a fact was a horrible kisser; however I kissed several horrible guys. Whoever told a guy that smashing your face against mine and then shoving your tongue down my throat was attractive was seriously deranged. Now, don't get me wrong there is a time and place for passion, but I'd rather not be taking down gallons of spit as I'm trying to get laid; seriously, gag me.

The good kissing, and perhaps the fact that a woman's body is generally always more attractive than a male's, is probably why whenever I'm with a guy I always crave a woman. You could be the hottest guy I have ever laid eyes on, and your dick could be porn star status, but I'm still going to want to fuck a woman. Safe to say, if I'm going to cheat on you it's going to be with a woman. After all when it comes to sex there are two types of men, there are men who just want to fuck for fucks sake and there are men who love a woman's body. If you fall intot he second category you are going to get more action, or at least fall into bed with a repeat offender instead of just one night stands.

When two women have sex, it's purely, and always a celebration of the female body. She knows how her body works; therefore she knows how your body works. No teaching has to take place. You don't need to show her where your clit is, because she already knows. True she doesn't have a penis, but she has hands and a tongue, but if you crave more penetration, then grab a stap on, at least you don't have to worry about that squirtting up in you and getting you preggers.

It's safe to say I've never had a bad hook up with a chick either. Katy Perry may have kissed a girl and liked it, but I guaruntee she did a lot more then just kiss her to want to write a song about it. But then again we live in a country with a bunch of prudes so titling the song, "I fucked a girl and i liked it," may not have had the best response, but at least it would have been the truth. Seriously people, lesbi-honest! ♥

Tainted Love

Everyone has that one person who generally falls under the title of the one who got away, but what if that person returns every six months? What if you never know they are coming, you walk into a random bar in random city and there they are, and there is the chemistry, there is the electricity, do you let fate take over and consume or walk away? I say have at it. But what if that person is spoken for by someone else? Does the word “sin” now enter your thoughts or fate? My fate always seems to lead me into sin, but that’s how I like it. If you run into that person enough times without planning, and that lust for each other never seems to die, then I say fuck sin, act on the present.

Some may prefer the name Whore based off some moral code, but those people are naïve, I prefer the term Mistress. If you have ever been with anyone and you have no words to describe the connection between the two of you other than pure infatuation and an electric pull, then you will understand the romance in the name Mistress. However, not without common misconception, the mistress only desires the Other Woman needs. So which would you rather have, which would you rather be consumed with, wanting or needing? A strong woman should always say want. A good friend once said to me, “needing someone to make you happy is an incomplete existence,” my point exactly.

When I am away from him I am fine, when I don’t hear from him, I understand. Confidence is key, and I am completely confident in how he feels about me. When a random stranger comes up to you two the first night you are together alone in public, and asks when you’re getting married based off of the way you act around one another, it must be fate. Now believe me I understand the conflict of wanting someone who cannot completely be yours; will he ever leave her? Not now, and probably not anytime soon, but I don’t care, I'll just leave it to chance. For those of you who have taken ecstasy; picture that feeling that surges through you veins, now imagine having that from looking at someone. You tell me if you’d walk away from that. For those of you who have never rolled, I recommend it, have sex on it, feel the love, especially if you are too big of a pussy to let it happen sober.

p.s. if you still don’t get it listen to the song “Money Honey,” by the infamous lady gaga, and if that doesn’t do it for you, skip church and take a class on Existentialism.

The Common Sense Gene & Lack There Of

I believe I have discovered the real reason for the lack of quality men in the most recent generations, the lack of the Common Sense gene. Lack of common sense generally comes when you don't think before you speak or act. I'm not saying that you should completely nix the idea of acting on impulse or being spontaneous, but there is a time and place for that. Part of having common sense, which is where I've found most men lack is thinking about how your actions will affect those around you, especially those who you care about. Such as saying you will call, and then not. Ok, so you actually can't talk when you said you could, well is it so hard to call and quickly say I will call you back when it is convenient or at least send a text saying the same thing? Is it really that hard? No

It's more frustrating and annoying then anything else. For example I just got broken up with in a way that hasn't happen since I was 17, which makes it even more horrible because we're not in high school anymore! I'd been seeing this guy for a little over a month, he sent me love letters, asked me to move in with him, took me to lunch with his grandmother and mother, was affectionate in public, nice to my friends, wouldn't let me pay for anything, basically picture perfect. I drop him off at his house after going to lunch one afternoon, we kiss good bye, he says he'll call me later, everything is peachy keen THEN I NEVER hear from him again. WTF is that? I mean be a man, use some common sense and at the very least text me and tell me why you want things to end. I'm a big girl ya I'll probably be crushed but I'll get over it.

It doesn't matter how old they are, the above example is 22, so you might say well he's young, he'll learn, he wont. I went to the bars the other night to grab a couple drinks with some friends. I'm minding my own business trying to consume this massively large shot, which I was not particularly excited about, when I get tapped on the shoulder. I turn around and standing before me is a 6'4 muscular man around the age of 28-32. He introduced himself by telling me that he has a Masters and asked if I wanted to dance. I said yes then after the 2nd dance I went back to talk to my friends. He followed and just stood there, so I turn to him and say I think I'm going to hang out with my friends for a bit, he asked what I thought he should do. Seriously? Use some common sense...so I say you hang out with your friends I'll hang out with mine and I'll find you later. Instead of getting it he says I really do have a masters I can show the certificate. So here I am thinking to myself, well isn't that dandy. Impressive, yes, but you have to have a lot more going on then a masters to make me interested.

Finally he gets it (or so I think) and goes back to talking to his friends. My girl L and I decide to go play some pool, a couple of our guy friends come and watch. Then we get approached by this man and a woman who ask to play 2 on 2 next, we say sure. Then their pose follow and I soon realize that they are Mr. Master's friends. So I tell one of my guy friends to cock block for me, my boy puts his arm around my waist, staking his "claim" yet Mr. Masters still comes up and tries to talk to me. Not only does he interrupt the conversation of my new "boyfriend" and I but he offers me a gift! CREEPY. He says its a very important token and he wants to give it to me. Now don't get me wrong I enjoy gifts..from people I know. I politely decline and say thank you but I'm undeserving (note: my boy is still standing there with his arm around my waist giving Mr. Masters the evil eye). Who gives someone a gift that they just met? Let alone a girl who is standing there with another guys arm around her waist? People who lack common sense is the only realistic answer. Or people who lack observation skills, but the two seem to go hand in hand for the most part.

Now by this time I'm getting slightly frustrated, yet I don't want to seem rude so I politely excuse myself by saying "Excuse me while I got to the bathroom." (I really did have to go). Mr. Master's turns to me and asks, "I'm sorry did I do something wrong?" So I pause, and think, using my common sense I realise that this guy doesn't get it. So I say, "Honestly, I think you should use actions above words to prove your attraction to someone." Referring of course to him telling me several times that he has a masters in order to make me want to talk to him.

Listen up men: Yes looking good on paper is nice, but it is more of a bonus than anything else. I want to like you for you, personality and physical attraction are much more important to me than whether you have a masters degree or not! Also use some common sense and observe! It takes all of two seconds, G-d forbid you have to use your brain for once!