Sex, Drugs, & Other Magical Things

I never felt as free, as the first time I tried it.
I guess I was mad at myself, because I promised myself I wouldn't
Told myself I shouldn't
But I did, and I liked it.
He said everything was going to be ok, as he pushed the hair out of my eyes,
Don't worry I'll take care of you he said, and he did.

I never felt as free, as the first time I tried it.
The cool breeze didn't feel as it should against my bare skin.
I stood there naked looking over the cars and the clouds
And I felt free.
He said come inside, you'll catch a cold.
Told myself I should,
But I didn't, and I was fine.

I never felt as free, as the first time I tried it.
His naked skin pressed against mine,
As goosebumps traveled down my spine,
For moments there I slipped in and out of ecstasy.
He told me that I would
And I did, and I liked it.

He told me you'll never feel as free as the first time that you try it
He was right, and I haven't,
But perhaps I'll try and try again.

Let's Talk Sex Over Wine

(originally written the night of December 1st 2011)

Let's talk sex over a glass of wine, make that a full bottle of wine, Pino Grigio, to be exact, my favorite. Let's talk about this delicious Victoria's Secret Xmas commercial that just came on TV. I do love you, want you, need you, please me. Honestly, was not paying attention to what they were wearing, more so thinking about if I were a guy I would for sure love them, want them, need them. After all who doesn't love a sweet spicy nothing whispered in their ear? Who doesn't love a semi drunk ramble as well...

So I've been thinking lately about relationships and what it is that people are looking for out of them. In an ideal situation I think I would say I desire three things: (best) friendship/companionship, fun playtime, and a lover. I fortunately positively have the first two on lock, and surprisingly they each share the same name. Which I can't name here but we will call them the Fabulous Ds. Best friendship, I have the girls but then I have my best gay friend aka my husband, who thought we've only been "married" for less than a year things are going great. I can always count on him to be there when I need him, and through thick and thin sober or drunk we are always peachey keen. I can only think of one time where we were mad at each other for a second, which was just due to work stress and nothing less or more.

Onton the 2nd disclaimer: playtime and in the sense of an activity partner. I have one of these, he's straight, were platonic, and I love it. Now don't get me wrong dear readers, he's a great guy, amazing on paper and real life, and most all an amazing friend. We've never kissed never even kissed and its amazing, we have a mutual understand that we make each other look good, and lust are each other's partners in crime, in business and entertainment.

And there it is dear readers a drunken ramble I had on December 1st 2011, which ended there. I believe because the guy I was seeing came over and we had sex haha ironic isnt it? I decided to post this blog out of sheer entertainment. I didn't edit anything, so all the grammar mistakes and misspellings can be intrupreted how you like. But for now raise your glass (of pino) and give a cheers to the Fabulous Ds!!!

These Runways are for Planes Not Heels!!

The airport is a perfect place for people watching. As an avid people watcher, I find myself almost instinctively paying close attention to what everyone is wearing, and normally wondering if they got dressed in front of a mirror that morning or not. It is safe to say that there are several people out there who have no idea how to put a decent outfit together and/or what truly looks good on their bodies. If it weren't the case style makeover shows would not be such a hit in our world today. Though I spend much time dissecting in my mind an individual's outfit and how I think I could edit it for the better, sometimes like this morning in the airport, I simply consider context. In other words, I consider why people, particularly women, feel the need to be overly dressed up for certain places.

I'm a girl who loves fashion, so I understand the need/want in wearing heels whenever you want because they make you feel girly. However, paired with a super short super tight boobalicious mini dress at the airport seems a bit much. Yes, your boyfriend who you haven't seen in forever may be picking you up when your flight gets in, but unless he's taking you straight to the club, there is not need to look like a Vegas stripper! Now maybe a wedge or heeled boot (depending on the weather) accompanied by jeans and a sweater or blouse works, giving you that I didn't try to look hot feel. Because here's the thing darling, prancing around in a super short skirt in five inch heels that you constantly have to pull down every five minutes to keep it from hiking up your hips, is not attractive. Don't you want to be comfortable while flying? I'm not saying you have to just roll out of bed and go, but let's be practical.

I have seen the same sort of behavior from women at places such as the baseball game or my favorite the beach. Your man got you tickets to the baseball game, I guarantee he's going to think you are way more attractive if you show up in a team jersey and jeans while sippin' on an ice cold beer, rather then stilettos and a shirt you will for sure need to dry clean if a greasy ball park dog comes near it. Come on ladies! It's like when you show up to a sports bar and order a martini at the bar when they have 25 amazing beers on tap! Why did you even show up to that bar? Because that's where the guys go? Well they aren't gonna want to talk to your high strung ass if you order a cosmo, same as if you were heels to the game that you will probably trip in getting to your bleacher seats.

The beach is a fan favorite for people watching: cute suits, ugly suits, hot guys, fat guys, screaming kids, sleeping parents, lobster sunburns, and bodacious babes, but you do know that there is sand at the beach, right?! Well did you know that when you wear heels in sand, they sink? Not an ideal situation, especially if you wore those heels because they make your legs look fab. Now normally if you were walking on a solid surface guys would be like, "Damn look at those gams!" but instead they are like she's walking weird! Or a more common reaction, "Man that chick looks like she just got fucked up the ass!" Not the reaction you were looking for right? Even better, other women will be making fun of you, because that's what girls do: hate on other women, we can't help it it's like this weird genetic malfunction. Even I won't attempt to wear heels in the sand, and I model. Heels in sand or grass, definite fail.

Now don't assume dear readers that I have never made a bad judgment call in terms of attire, because I have. I normally lean towards the opinion that it's better to be a bit over dressed than under, but there are different extremes. You're not going to wear a prom dress to meet the parents, but showing up in a nice summer cocktail dress, even if it's Sunday brunch isn't terrible. Probably one of my biggest fashion mistakes happened on Valentine's Day nearly 2 years ago. Now the boyfriend of the time does take some fault for this mistake, because someone neglected to call ahead and say we were taking the motorcycle out instead of the car, but whatever I could have changed. Instead, I decided that it would be totally fine and acceptable to ride on the back of his motorcycle wearing a short dress, definitely not appropriate. Basically, the only thing that was saving me from exposing my britney to everyone on the road, was the fact that I was pushed up against the ex's back. But then I also had to deal with getting off the bike which in a dress is any 80s Hair Metal fan's dream, but it does not occur as gracefully as one would fantasize.

So there it is, we all have our fashion blunders, our what and what nots to do, but in the end just do your thing, just take a moment to think of the consequences. For example, I don't know anyone who has bragged about ending up on the worst dressed list, just saying...

Note: not knockin lady ga ga's style, but the aiport for real? and it was a hilarious photo...

To Sext or To Have Sex?

Sexting, most people do it, I don't. It reminds me of high school or my freshmen year of college where I thought a boy would like me if I gave him that sort of sexual attention, but I've grown out of that faze. Today when a guy attempts to sext me, it's an automatic turn off. It feels like I'm reading and then copy writing a soft core porn script. In my mind it's humorous that someone would think that the person on the other line is actually sitting there masturbating to whatever sexual context the texter is sending. Maybe I'm just biased because I find myself to be a more visual person, and prefer porn. Most women who I've spoken to watch porn, and even the few who say they enjoy sexting men, don't say they actually get off to it. So what's the point then, to feel more intimate and attached to someone? Isn't that what phone sex is or cyber sex or real sex is for?

Now don't get me wrong, I understand long distance relationships suck, and sometimes you get really horny and you really miss your other half. But to be honest I'd rather get a, "I miss your beautiful face or My pillow still smells like you," text, instead of a, "What would you do to me if I were in your bed naked or send me a dirty photo," text any day. Maybe deep down I'm more of a romantic or maybe I just enjoy the built up tension that irrupts when you're actually skin on skin opposed to waiting on a response via the phone. One of my girlfriends, who actually approves of sexting, said something I find very interesting when discussing the topic, "Sexting is a good tease for those you don't want to touch." I had never really thought about it in that light until she said it. Though hilarious and a low blow to the ego of any guy she's sexted before, her perspective is one to consider. Personally, I probably wouldn't waste my time sexting a guy I wouldn't actually fuck, but to each his own.

I would however like to touch base on the evolution of sexting that has gone beyond the spoken word into the sending of sexy/hot/or pornographic photos of oneself to any willing receiver. It seems now a days men think that in order to woo a woman or that it is generally appropriate to ask a girl whom you barely know to send a dirty photo of herself. What makes a guy think that if she didn't have sex with you on the first night that she'd be willing to send a picture of her boobs the next? Even better is when a guy sends a photo of himself full frontal nude to a woman without warning. Unless you truly have a gorgeous penis, and I mean porn star status right color right girth right length, then it's probably not worth the send. Especially, if she's yet to see you naked. Of course I dont speak for everyone in my dislike of this sort of correspondence, but wheres the class?

I have a girlfriend, who recently split from her boyfriend of nearly a year, she was ecstatic when an American Greek God of a man asked her out to dinner. She texted me saying she was more than thrilled and I would definitely approve. However, a few hours later I get a panicked text from her, explaining that this gorgeous man had just sent her a photo of himself without warning, which she forwarded to me (another reason why sending photos to one person, usually means more than one person = bad idea). The photo was of his shirtless chest, face cropped off as well as at the waist. In both our eyes the photo was pointless, and not overly impressive. What was more unimpressive was the fact that after asking my girl to dinner the AGG thought sending a photo of his half naked body was the next step. To make matters worse when I told her to respond with, "that's hot but I can't see your face," in hopes that he would send a photo of his face, instead he responded with a full frontal image penis and all (which she forwarded to me as well). She told him, upon my advice, that he obviously had the wrong idea, and she didn't realize dinner was code for sex. He simply responded, that if she changed her mind to let him know.

What has become of modern day dating? Should a girl really assume that dinner means sex or otherwise? And if we offer you our phone number does that mean the only way you know how to text is to sext? I was told once that I was high strung because I wouldn't send a sexy photo of myself to a guy that I had known for less than 24 hours. What happened to guys respecting a classy woman or one that has some moral code? Also news flash: just because I model does not mean I will send you suggestive photos of myself. If you really want to see that seductive look in my eyes, I'm guessing since you have my number we're friends on Facebook, my ports on there, check it out. Common sense dude, don't tell me to send you a photo because you are a visual person, that's what Facebook is for, or rather a real life in person conversation. Forget sexting, come over!

A Smile, A Drink, An Absolute Wink

Hello my name is Kate and I have a bartender problem. If there were ever to be an addiction to be had, this would be mine. Whether it is a life or death matter or effectively serious, the jury is still out, however I have a bartender problem. It is safe to say that single Kate will most likely fall for the guy behind the bar on the night out with the girls rather than the several options on the other side. People say that while on the prowl you should always have the bartender on your side (and anyone else working), that way when in doubt you have their support, whether it's another shot of tequila to kill the heartache or a heads up that the girl you're talking to is a crazy. Not only does that bartender seem to hold supreme power over the festivities for the night to come, but they have this magical way of making you feel like you are the only one in the room. And though you know if the back of your head that you are not the first recipient to the smile plastered across their face, they still are able to convince you otherwise.

Only those who are able to charm the bitchiest of people are hired as bartenders. That and the hottest; however those who know how to talk the talk but may be considered a 5, can suddenly appear to be a 10 behind glossy vodka eyes. I wouldn't be surprised if we'd all be there, had a 3 hour love affair with a bartender, but my problem stretches further than that. My affairs tend to last past the first night and beyond the bar, into weeks of flirtation, and the reminder in the back of my mind, "Darlin' you should never date a bartender."

Thinking back pretty far my love affair with bartenders probably started at the age of 16, where the thought of dating a boy my own age was the farthest thing from my mind. I went to a cousin's wedding in Wisconsin where, at 16 I could sit at the bar, but not order a drink. I spent my nights flirting up a storm with the 21 year old bartender at the hotel bar. Looking back the age difference was quite perverted on his part. Needless to say I left at the end of the week with his phone number and address, written on a piece of paper, which he gave willingly without my personal request of them. I was infatuated and obviously naive.

Since I never got a fake ID, the affair was put on hold until I turned 21, where my naivety slipped away and was replaced by remarkable networking skills. Not only did I become friends with the staff of my favorite go to spots, but I fell back in love with the presents of the bartender. No, I didn't hook up with or date every bartender which I gained some correspondence with, but the list of affairs did increase.

Yes, there are obvious perks to dating a bartender, such as never waiting to be served, staying after hours, and the major bonus to most: free drinks, but those are all minor in my mind. I just can't get enough of the attention and their air of confidence which normally stems observation rather than practical experience. That being said, from my experience I think bartenders have a Kate problem as well. Is that a cocky statement? Yes, but it's not without reason. As a bartender (from what I'm told) girls or even guy often leave their numbers on napkins/receipts, or flirt up a storm in order to be the chosen of the night. The one with the honor of going home or being called by said bartender. That being said they have several options, and any bartender who claims otherwise is likely just being modest.

Maybe it's because I don't throw my panties at them right away which has them coming back for more. But likely it's because I put them on some sort of pedestal and yern to know you they are beyond the delicious drinks and sharp witted tongue. Everyone likes attention right? Who knows, but I have a bartender problem. The affairs generally don't last longer than a month or so, because from what I can tell bartenders are a fun time but lack long term romance. But who can blame them? They are surrounded by beautiful enticing people every night, ones with their own secrets waiting to be shared over a cigarette in tussled sheets, and who better to be that partner in crime then them?

Bartenders, they all turn into the one who got away, the one that could have been, should have been, if there'd only been a way. But you never date someone who can sweep you off your feet, with just one shot and just one wink.

If you still don't get the feeling Lady Gag sings it well:

You taste like whiskey when you kiss me oh/ I'll give anything again to be your baby doll/ This time I'm not leaving without you/ He said, "Sit back down where you belong/ In the corner of my bar with your high heels on/ Sit back down on the couch where we/ Made love for the first time and you said to me"/ Something, something about this place/ Something 'bout lonely nights and my lipstick on your face/...Yeah, something about, baby, you and I

New Word: Friendcest

One of the reasons I chose to go to a big state university like the University of Arizona was because I had been through small private schooling my entire life. I graduated from both my 8th grade and senior high school classes with no more than 65 students. Meaning everyone knew everyone's business, even if not everyone was everyone's friend. Thus, I was drawn to the concept of a big school, one where the possibility of walking around campus and seeing strangers was an option, and one could make a new friend everyday without eventually knowing the entire student body.

Once entering the University I soon realized that yes there were people that I saw whom I never knew the name of, however the number of people who knew my business grew as well. The upside is I became a master networker. Though I had my core group of friends, I also knew several other people I could escape to if I needed a break or change of pace.

The downside was the incest, the coupling and re coupling or hooking up with multiple people within the group. When certain groups become so close with one another, they often become protective of the group, and deter from new comers, thus mating with each other in various combinations. We're like a pack of wolves (or any pack animal), yet instead of mating with only one and sticking to it, there's a melding of sorts. We throw logic and consequence out the window, follow lust, and start dating our ex's friend or the guy our best girl fooled around with last summer, and everything is peace love and daisies, or is it?

Looking back, I realized that these intimate friendships within groups, was not something that just occurred amongst college students, but in high schools as well. For example, a good friend of mine who went to a different high school, was part of what I like to call a Friendcest Group. Her group of friends was made up of eight gorgeous girls and eight gorgeous guys, literally picture perfect, definitely blockbuster worthy. It turns out they all dated each other, and if they didn't actually date another officially, they at the very least fooled around. Supposedly, the guys would even discuss with one another which of "the 8" they had yet to hook up with, almost as if they were collecting baseball cards or concert stubs. And though there was always the occasional bruised heart or hurt feelings the group remained as close as ever, even to this day.

From my observation, this overwhelming pool of love and lust between mutual friends can work, but most of the time causes some tension if not spontaneous combustion of friendships. Which are filled with too much he said she said, girl code guy code, and what is morally right or wrong. Even after these episodes happen and things seemingly go back to normal, and one person may or may not be part of the group anymore because they fucked a friend's ex, the cycle still seems to be repeated, lesson unlearned.

Thus, its safe to conclude: hot friends = incest & from my experience of attempting to date outside the core group, networking = the 8 degrees of separation aka public incest. Which is unfortunate when that really hot tall dark and handsome let me spin you around the dance floor guy, turns out to be the same guy your friend knows from experience as a manwhore. FML

What to Do with the F of C

Fear of commitment; most people feel that this is a burden to have in the back of one's mind. That if you fear commitment then you will never be in a stable relationship, that perhaps you will let the "one" slip away, maybe you'll become too cynical and never find love. But what if you don't ear commitment? What if you are cynical about love because you've had your heart stomped on several times all due to the fact that you're too willing for love? I am one of these people.

I don't have a fear of commitment. I've often been told by friends after each and every pitfall of every single relation(shit) which I have procured, that I am too generous with my heart. That I give people the benefit of the doubt too willingly, that I don't take first impressions seriously enough. And like any normal human being, I took my friends' advice to heart at the time, but not to the head, and thus fell into the same pattern with the next guy.

In my head if I don't believe the actions and words of the one I desire are honest, then I am not giving them a chance. So I choose to believe in every kiss goodnight, every I miss you, every meet my friends, meet my parents, grabbing my hand in public, and text good morning, because like majority of women, I believe in the fairytale, as cliche as it may be. However, looking back on what seems to be mistake after relationship after mistake of improper choice of guy, I sometimes wish I had a fear of commitment. Maybe if I had a fear of commitment then last time this happened to me I wouldn't have been as crushed; I would have believed it wasn't going to work out in the first place. There would be no surprise factor.

Honestly though as much as I sometimes wish I had this issue, in my mind I'm glad I dont. I realize now that I can be too trusting, and that's something I should work on, but what is a girl to do? So I ask my male readers, what is it that you expect us to do? I find that when in a budding relationship with a guy they always claim trust and honesty are a must in relationships, especially when it is established that no games are being played. However, then the girl agrees and believes you and everything you do, then after a month or so you (the guy) end it because you claim you don't want to be in a relationship. Well how is that not a game? Or is it ok for you to play and us to not?

Looking at if from an outside view I'm not surprised that more and more women are joining this group of commitment phoebes. Majority of the women who I know with commitment issues are ones that may have had one real long/strong relationship, one with real weight, and/or they have several friends whom have had their hearts broken repedeatly. It's only natural after watching friend after friend feel broken used and dismissed by a guy, to then turn around and fear relationships yourself.

Now guys, you will claim and you will always claim that you don't play games, maybe you are over that faze. And if that is true then I think perhaps there is a disconnection of communication to your head your heart and your dick. Just because she feels good in your arms and fucks really good and now you have someone to share your boring meals with, doesn't mean it's then ok to crush her hopes and tell her you're not read for a relationship. Because guess what? You've been acting like your are in one alread!

Oh and please, please, I guarantee I speak for the majority of the female population when I say this, stop using the "I was scared" card. Because guess what? I wasn't! And I'm the girl. Aren't you supposed to be the man? Aren't you supposed to have balls? Aren't you the one who is supposed to be living life fearlessly? If the "I'm scared" card continues to be pulled, more women are going to become fearful as weel. And what are we left with? More single parents, more babies running around, more resentment for the opposite sex, and no love. No love?! What would the Beatles thing? To shame!! Haha

But seriously, something is wrong when one who believes in love, starts wishing they feared it.

Eargasm

If you took a moment to pause and separate the sweet beat you hear in the club with the actual lyrics of the song, you would most likely hear something involving sex, whether it's the action itself or the physique of a lust worthy partner, or even how someone makes you feel. After all sex does sell. Though I often wonder if some rappers even possess the lyrical talent to write something beyond fucking in or outside the club, this however does not denote from how some songs make me feel. Whether you are dancing to said song with a partner or in a circle of your friends or even home alone in your bathrobe, some songs exude sex appeal. Thus for this blog I am going to list and discuss five of my favorite sexy songs, some of which are taken to an even higher level of excitement due to their video alone.

Note: the numerical order does not mean best to worst or even vise versa, merely what came to mind first :)

1. Shakira's "Did it Again" --> lyric example: You were so full of yourself/ But damn, were you cute as well/ You liked my legs, I liked your moves/ Anyone could tell, not a heart could deny that/ Did it again, love, I got it all wrong/ But it felt so right, I can't believe it

This song is about girl who meets a super hot guy and even though she knows he's wrong for her she goes for it and sleeps with him (something I can relate to). She then finds herself consistently going back for more, though she knows it's not the smartest thing to do. Though the song itself may not initially appear to be of high sex appeal, the video is amazingly hot. Especially if you favor sexy dance moves. Shakira and partner do a dance on the bed in resemblance of sex. Not only is their chemistry electrifying but the athleticism is superb, and just plain hot.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igcsNG4aruA&ob=av2n

2. Rihanna's "Te Amo" --> lyric example: Then she said "te amo"/ Then she put her hand around my waist/ I told her no, she cried "te amo"/ I told her I'm not gonna run away, but let me go/...listen we can dance, but you gotta watch your hands/ watch me all night, I'm movin' to the light because I understand

The lyrics to this song are pretty simple and repetitive but the lesbian innuendo is quite clear. The song itself moves in almost a tango like rhythm that makes you want to seduce anyone else who happens to be in the room while you're listening to it. The music video takes this lust and temptation to a whole other level. If you were to put the sound on mute, the video alone would read as an extra sensual high fashion video for vogue. Set on the grounds of a romantic European estate, which only the lucky are able to experience. Frolicking around the estate are Rihanna accompanied by a stunning woman play a cat and mouse game of female attraction. The two of them standing still would ooze sex with just the wink of an eye, however watching them roll around seductively on classic automobiles, Persian rugs, front lawns, and each other is enough to make even the straightest girl wet.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oe4Ic7fHWf8&ob=av3e

3. Def Leppard's "Pour Some Sugar on Me" --> lyric example: Lookin' like a tramp, like a video vamp/Demolition woman, can I be your man?/...I'm hot, sticky sweet/From my head to my feet

For years I have proclaimed this as my ultimate stripper song, if I were to ever grace the pole professionally and I'm sure several women would agree. Sure the lyrics are slightly on the raunchier and grittier side, but the song just makes a girl want to bend down and flip her head back, in slow motion to be capture by the eyes of every guy in the room. As one of my favorite hair metal songs of its time, it has the power of making any girl feel like the sexiest thing in the room.

The video isn't even worth linking since it does not do the song justice

4. Ciara ft Ludacris "Ride" --> lyric example: I can do whenever or however you want/ I can do it up and down. I can do circles/ To him I'm a gymnast, friskin' is my circus/ I market it so good, they can't wait to try me

I'm sure several of my readers have had sex with music on, if so have you ever fucked to a song that appeared to be narrating your movement? This is what this song does to me. It makes me want to act out what Ciara is singing while I'm on top. It gives me that extra boost of confidence to be like yes I'm that good, watch me as I rock my hips all over you. The video turns me on even more than the lyrics, watching Ciara dance makes me wish I was the guy she's singing the song to.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lp6W4aK1sbs

5. Billy Currington's "Must Be Doing Something Right" --> lyric example: A woman is a mystery/ A man just can't understand/ Sometimes all it takes to please her/ Is the touch of your hand

This song represents the romantic side of sexy. The male narrator of the song is amazed at how he lucked out with such a great girl that he is willing to do whatever she wants to please her. The music video shows Billy Currington and female lover rolling around in the sand half naked on a tropical island in black and white. Slightly corny, but mm mm good. Kind of makes a girl wish she was wrapped up in those manly strong arms or even just the girl he wrote the song about. Blue eyed beauties will likely muse the most.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbQfE2Oi6Wo

[stay tuned for round 2 of sexiest songs/videos]

Let Them Eat Sex!

Recently one of my girlfriends wrote on her facebook status, " im seriously getting tired of all of you people going on diets...just have lots of sex and u wont have to worry bout a thing :) xoxo," and I agree, well to some extent. I don't think that sex is necessarily the absolute solution to losing weight and keeping it off, however I do think it's the cheapest & least time consuming. The cheapest? Let me break it down for you (if you only get laid by hookers, need not read further): sex is free, whether or not it's someone you picked up at a bar, your friend with benefits, or your significant other, it's free. If you go to a gym, you have to pay for that membershi, and though that trainer may be the highlight of your week with his large tone arms and his I just want to eat you up abs, boy cost money, and generally too much.

Don't get me wrong a gym membership is a good way to meet a potential sex partner, because at least you will know that the stamina is there. However, you can dismiss the cost of a gym membership and go to a free salsa club. Believe me you will forget all about mister macho huge arms, one you're sund around by Mr. Let Me Whisper Sweet Nothings in A Language You Don't Know But I Doubt You Care While I Dip You With One Arm man.

Woo baby break me off a piece of that!

Moving on: Diets. Generally they are tasteless. Especially the ones you see on T.V. that com with precooked meals. I know from experience not because I went on one of the diets, but because my best friend did. I tasted the food it was horrible with a captial H! It was so bad that she quit the program, which left her with a pile of cardboard disguised as food and a hole in her wallet, which is the biggest issue here. Spending money on pre paid deit food is not the only issue with eating healthy. Healthy food, meaning organic, gluten free, fat free, no hydrogenated oils, etc, all cost more than regular food, especially if that is all you buy. Of course you could go 50/50 on the organic grown berries however it's still money, is it even worth it?

SEX DOESN'T COST A THING BABY!

Not only is sex free it also gives you that Holy-Shit-I-Need-A-Massage-Check-Out-These-Abs-My-Legs-Can-Walk-Up-These-Stairs-Faster-Than-You-Feeling in less time than a programed workout with your trainer or a 5 month plan with your dietitian. Let's be frank, the average sex session (post foreplay) takes no more than 30 minutes for full satisfaction for both parties. Generally people will see their trainer once a week maybe twice for about an hour give or take, but you can have sex everyday if you want! A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! I don't think I need to comment on how long a diet program normall takes but let's say 6 months, and fuck that's long!

So what's the moral of the story? If you want to eat what you like & look fabulous, just have more sex!

[If you don't have anyone to have sex with, and need to know how to find someone, stay tuned for a soon to be blog :) ]

Girls Like That Make Me Happy I'm Not 19

Women behaving badly, is a three word term that turns the heads of men everywhere, leading the spotlight onto the actions of good girls gone bad. However women behaving badly should be reserved for women not girls. Girls under the age of 21 to be specific, do not know how to properly behave badly. Getting drunk and crying your eyes out for 3 hrs straight is no the way into a mans heart, you want him to chase you not run to the nearest exist. Now dont be mistaken, I have been there, but you should reserve your tears for those men who you wouldnt mind regretting the action for in the morning.

On that note I'd like to share a story about my Valentines Day night, one which started out amazing and ended with me wanting to go bad girls club crazy on some stupid beezy. After telling myself over and over that I was going to be good and go home early, I failed and went to Playhouse in LA with my girl M. Upon being at Playhouse for about a minute I rand into one of the most notorious bachelors in LA right now, who I had only met for a mere second the weekend before. Our eyes locked, he strolls over, toss back those romance novel dirty blond locks, and says, "hello gorgeous," in his sexy french accent, and I was sold. My friend leans over to pronounce his playboy status to me, which honestly dear reader I dont care about. I actually prefer it to some degree. If I know a guy is a playboy then I wont want to have sex with him. They are the best to play with, because you never have to wonder what it would be like to give into them because you know it would never work. So we make out, hot and heavy, and orgasmic.

I go to dance with my girl M, and turn around five minutes later to see a plastic Angelina Jolie hanging all over my dearest Playboy. My friend once again notes is notorious ways, and I simply reply, I dont care. Playboy then turns and whispers in my ear, "I refuse to leave without you tonight, I'm bored lets go." I smile and say ok. As were waiting for valet, plastic angie rolls by with her girlfriends yelling to Playboy that I'm ugly hahahahhahhahaha seriously honey? You got denied, you were not his flavour of the night, so get over it and move on. Do you think he seriously will want you now? If anything he'll just continue communication with you because everyone likes feeling wanted, even if they dont give a shit about whose singing their praises.

Anyways....Playboy and I return to his house and start to mess around (note: i did tell him no sex, which I doubt he believed, but who cares). All of a sudden we hear banging on the door, now he lives with his siblings so, we just assumed it was one of them and ignored the knocks. Yet, they continued for about 20 minutes, till I finally comment that it must be a chick because no guy would knock on another guys door for that long unless he wanted in his pants, which I doubted was the case. We open the door (both of us half dressed) to find a young little thing crying her eyes out (turns out she 19 or 20, from san diego, had sex with pb once). Playboy asks her what the matter is. She says she has no where to sleep, so he says she may sleep on the couch or join us and that she shouldnt be upset because he told her, he was going home with someone else.

It then turned into a he said she said on repeat for about 3 hrs while I bit my tongue. She cried saying she wanted to talk, he yelled tell her to stop being dramatic and that shes being rude. At one point he even threatened to call the cops on her because as he said, she was being a fucking brat. Finally, he got her to go sleep in his brothers room, and we fell asleep together, that is until I woke up in the morning, rolled over and saw her laying next to me not him. I left, livid.

Now ladies you have only two options if you show up at the house of a guy you like uninvited and you see him with another woman. It's either A or B, there is nothing in between, especially if you want him to want to want you again, and here they are:

A. Join. Yes, thats right, join, make it a threesome. I honestly was down, but she was not having it.

B. Leave. Don't hang around waiting for him to choose, he already did. He went home with another girl. If he really liked you that much he would have kicked out the girl upon your entrance, without you having to comment, or he wouldnt have taken girl number two home to begin with.

I know what I'm talking about. I went to see a past lover once, right before I left Arizona. He spent the entire night hanging on some other chick in front of me (after spending the days previous all over me). So I played some pong and then left. I didnt want to stick around to wait and see who he picked to spend his night with, why would I put myself through that? I have respect for myself, obviously Ms Thing didnt.

Next time I see her I really want to say: If you want to rock the label Femme Fatal, you've got to hold your own, leave them wanting more, not wondering were they can buy a muzzle so that you'll stop the whining. Grow up and be confident. If he'll let you cry over him for more then 30 minutes without trying to comfort you and shed those tears, then he doesnt care. Deal with it...if that doesnt work perhaps a slap across the face will snap her back into reality haha because, serioulsy? SERIOUSLY.

Happy fucking Valentines Day to me, at least I came, if you know what I mean ;)

You May Have a Penis but You Might aswell Have a Vag

Why is it these days that the men we date seem to be bigger vagina's then us? Sitting here with my girl J tonight, over a glass of wine, reading the ranting texts from her ex of over a year ago bitch and moan about loving her still but his need for her to stop talking to him, started us thinking. Poor poor boys, society has begged you for decades to be more in touch with your feelings and let your guard down, however we didn't think it would come to this. Men being so in touch with their emotions that they have latched onto stereoytipical female traits and emotions. Thus becoming type of guys they would most likely make fun of over a pitcher of beer and wings on boys night out. So, J and I decided to make a list of the down fall of the manly man:

1. ordering salads on first dates or dinner in general

2. taking longer then us to get ready and thus being late for anything

3. having more beauty products in their bathroom, yet appearing to look exactly like they looked when they woke up

4. continuing to text and complain or give us a play by play of their day even if we dont respond

5. being clingy

6. having less experince in bed and praising our skills

7. driving like a maniac

8. shaving every part of their body, making them look like boys instead of men

9. going tanning, fake tanning to be specific

10. crying during arguments

11. insiting we make the first move, yet claiming they are gentlemen

12. drunk dialing about how much they miss us

13. choosing to enjoy "girly" things such as chick flicks and shopping oh and dont forget manis and pedis

14. bromances

15. going to the bathroom together

16. (straight) guys wearing eyeliner and girl jeans

17. calling your friends to see what they are wearing that night

& im sure the list goes on and on.

where is my tall manly man who enjoys growing hair on his body and chopping wood? do you exist anymore? do i need to go into the wilderness and hope i stumble upon you? i really dont know...oh and i almost forgot, it appears that more women then men these days graduate college...perhaps the real problem is men are just getting stupider and lamer by the minute. maybe thats a bit harsh but sometimes men/boys/guys the male race is just baffling.

where have all the supermen gone? lost in the pages of comic books I guess, maybe we should go to comic-con, after all there was a moment there when geeks were the new favorite accessory hahaha

No More Mr Nice Guy

Until last night I was beginning to think that perhaps I was being too harsh on the current single male population; maybe not all guys were bad, maybe I should give the nice guy a second chance. Therefore, I decided to go on a few dates with some "nice guys," however last night and other recent events that occurred not only to myself but to my girlfriends as well, has changed my mind about this being called the "Nice Guy."

I went on a couple dates with a N.G, I'll call Tattoo J. Though he was covered in tattoos and drove a motorcycle he seemed sweet enough to me. I even thought at one point I would actually really like to be friends with this guy, if not something more. He showed great interest in me both sexually and mentally, constantly sending me flirtatious text messages, and was openly honest about life and such. Two nights ago he tells me he cant wait to see me and be able to put his hands all over my newly Hawaiian tanned body and invites me to drinks for the next night. After a few drinks he tells me that he has a girlfriend, and has had one since the first time we met. Are you fucking kidding me?!

Here's the deal I understand that some of you guys may think you're being N.G's by confessing shit to us like that in person, but do yourself a favor and don't. Not only did he claim the first night we met that he was an honest guy, which now was obviously a lie, but i have now wasted a night I could have been spending with another guy or a friend. Tattoo J then with glassed over eyes repeatedly tells me hes sorry and I'm amazing and he was being selfish, well you know what I told him? "You are just plain stupid!"

I have a new theory about this N.G. thing. I believe at one point true N.G.'s did exist...that is 50 yrs ago, when giving your pin to a girl was peachy keen, and guys enjoyed holding a girls hand as much as they enjoy grabbing asses now. However, things have obviously changed. Now a days guys constantly complain that girls only go for B.G's (bad guys) and they always miss the good ones, yet the supposed N.G's always become B.G's down the line. It's as if all of a sudden the male race woke up one morning and was like lets all be B.G's. Now its truly slim pickings, for us women. Us girls shouldn't be the ones to blame for falling for the wrong kind of guy, blame yourselves (the guys) for being them.

My girl A had a realization one night a few months ago, that she had feelings for our friend B (who we had all known had been in love with her forever). They started out pretty casual, but quickly their relationship turned into a sleepovers every night-shared meals every day-kissy kissy lovey dovey puke in your mouth infatuated with one another-ship. B had been that cute boyish nice academically smart guy we'd all enjoyed hanging out, with into a completely whipped on my girl A and her on him. They appeared disgustingly into one another, and though they never made their relationship official on facebook, they were exclusive with one another.

Until one day A was roaming on facebook and came across a correspondence between B and his most recent ex who was away in France for the semester. In the messages A discovered that B and the ex were still saying how much they were in love with one another and how they couldn't wait to see each other. At one point B mentioned not taking a job offer in Vegas to be with her when she got back. When A confronted B with what she had seen, he denied it until she showed him proof, he then cried like a little bitch and begged her "not to give up on what they had." What exactly is it that they had? A relationship between a nice girl and a Jackal and Hyde? It still baffles me how such a seemly nice and devoted guy could turn around and devote his heart to another girl as well. I feel like for most people that involves way too much energy to even think about doing it.

So what is my conclusion (for now) about this nice guy epidemic? Men are selfish. When Tattoo J was flirting up a storm with me and asking me out and kissing me, was he thinking about how I would react when I found out he wasn't single? Obviously not. Was B considering how heartbroken A would be when she found out her dearest lover and friend was in love with someone else? Nope. And what about the other girls involved? I wonder how they are going to feel if and when they find out what these black knights in white armour were doing behind their backs.

Seriously, in the words of Minni Driver in Grosse Pointe Blank, "Where are all the good men dead, in the heart or in the head?" Obviously the head, since they seem to lack hearts.

Head

Head, its seems to be the only thing all guys always want. I have some girlfriends who love it, I have some who hate it, I know some who could careless, and some who find it repulsive, until recently I was one of those girls. It wasn't the act of doing it that I found repulsive, it was the taste and that I always found myself getting bored. This I will admit, is probably because I didnt know what I was doing, until a recent ex, with whom I perfected giving head. I wouldnt say I love it now, honestly I would still rather fuck a guy, but I don't mind giving it to those I would really love see squirm.

My real issue with giving head, and I find its either a hit or miss with most girls, is cum. Personally the tastes of it, the smell of it, makes me want to gag. Its so salty, and why does it have to be warm? I had this discussion with my girl Em a while back, who feels the same way as I do. I realize that it has enough protein to satisfy me for probably a week, however its warm. For me its like taking a shot of Vodka that has been left out of the fridge, you know it may do some good, however it makes you want to throw up the second it hits your tongue/throat. Why couldnt sperm be chilled? I'm not saying ice cold, I dont want my mouth to go numb, but I feel like I would enjoy it much more if it were at least closer to room temperature.

This got my girl Em and I thinking about this whole vampire craze that is circulating through out the world. If vampires are so much cooler to the touch then people, does that mean their sperm is cold? Do they even have sperm? I feel like the stories are a little wish washy of whether or not vampires can have children of their own the same way us mere humans do, so its tough to decide. Maybe when you become a Vampire you loose the inability to produce sperm. Now that would be awesome, to be able to give head with out worrying about some idiot cumming inside you, cumming on your face, or a warm salty gooey mess shooting down the back of your throat.

I much prefer biting anyways, so count me in!

Batter Up

Men in uniform. Yum. I went to the Dbacks Giants game tonight in Phoenix, and let me say, damn i love those pants! I think it's safe to say that every woman has a thing for a man in uniform, whether it a sport, military, construction, cowboy, you name it, we love it. My personal favorite, in case it was not clear, is the baseball uniform, especially when they fit the ass just right. But it's not just the pants it's the baseball tees and the MLB caps too, I just cant get enough. Have you every noticed how much better most guys look if they put a baseball hat on? I have, they should probably start wearing them in bed too. It's like sunglasses, sometimes you meet a guy (wearing sunglasses) and hes super hot, you chat it up, then he takes the glasses off, and BAM suddenly not so hot. You may think I'm crazy, but think about it next time you're in the situation, I would be surprised if you didn't think the same.

Speaking of baseball, lets talk bases. By bases I mean, in terms of hooking up. As in, "Did you guys hook up last night? What base did you get to?" One would think that we had all matured beyond using the expression, but I still find myself asking the question, as if I'm in 5th grade living vicariously through a friends sex life. I Always thought that everyone thought of the bases the same way, but I've learned that I'm wrong, but I def think my definition for each base makes the most sense:

1st: Making out maybe some boob action

2nd: Finger/Hand job

3rd: Head (male or female)

Home plate: Sex (vaginal)

Home run: Sex on the first night

Grand Slam: Threesome and beyond

Seems about right huh? I think yes.

So lets go to the park, you can throw sand at me and pretend to hate me, I'll run away and screaming acting like I don't want you to catch me, and when you finally tackle me lets go to first. Then maybe if you dont pull my hair I'll let you skip to 3rd. Now if you promise to sit next to me on the bus, I'll lead you to home plate. hahaha

Career Title: Whore

The other night I went to a local bar, stumbling distance from my apartment, in order to make a sparkless date start a fire, and I found the perfect igniter and her name is Nixon. It was basically love at first sight for both of us, once we realized we're both loud, candid, honest, and don't deal with bullshit, especially from men. Not to mention we seem to have the same taste in fashion and the "pretty" boys we let keep us company. Therefore it would not be hard for anyone to believe that my attention turned to her for the rest of the night and not on my date, who for the next two hours didn't even attempt to add to any of the conversations that took place.

One of the topics of conversation that came up was that Ms Nixon used to be a stripper. Which I wasn't too surprised by because she seemed like quite a sexual person, however she only did topless and this is why: "I'm not fucking rubbing my vag up and down some nasty pole that doesn't get cleaned after each dance. I heard what those bitches said in the back, I don't want herpes!" hahaha Totally understandable. Of course the guys who chimed in thought her excuse was ridiculous and kept asking "what if the pole was cleaned?!" Yet they never quite got the point, until I pointed out that she was making a statement that she would never rub her vag up and down a public pole even if it was supposedly cleaned each time.

The conversation was entertaining to say the least and got me thinking about stripping. No no not me stripping per say, but the thought about having an audience paying to see you dance is intriguing. Isn't it the same as paying to see the ballet or a hip hop crew? The answer I would assume, would be no to most people. Strippers take their clothes off, they are sluts or whores. But it is their choice to take their clothes off isn't it? And the people who pay to see them dance, well it was their choice to do that too, right? So what's the big deal. Art students and Universities pay models to pose nude for art classes, but yet those models aren't seen as slutty, when there really is no difference. They are paid to take their clothes off for an audience.

Are porn stars whores? I guess in technical terms many would say yes because they have slept with G-d knows how many people, but it is their job too. Are you only a slut if you don't get paid to do it?

What about go-go dancers or burlesque dancers. These are sexual jobs that people consider classier than perhaps a stripper or a porn star, but the differences are minimal. Go-go dancers don't take off their clothes, but they get paid to dance hours on end, generally in suggestive manners. Many of them can work the pole as good as any stripper, so why are they accepted but strippers aren't? Burlesque dancers do strip, but it is considered and artistic performance and they are generally not completely naked in front of the audience. Which brings up the question, if you can call it art is it ok? What if a stripper were to say, "the way I dance is an art form, my body is a symbol of feminine sexuality to be studied by those so willing." Makes it sound pretty good, huh?


"The whore is despised by the hypocritical world because she has made a realistic assessment of her assets and does not rely on fraud to make a living...her honesty is regarded with mocking wonder," (Angela Carter). Agreed.

May I Keep You?

If there were ever the perfect movie to inspire me to write a blog about, it would be "Strictly Sexual," about two roommates who hire two guys to live in their pool house to have sex with them whenever they want, as kept men. Not only does the movie do a good job with character development it also gives an inside look into the male female dynamic, and what makes the other tick. Prostitution or escorts are generally viewed as a female dominated sport in social media, however the prospect of a kept man does come up frequently in the discussion of cougars. But what if you are a younger woman who decides that having a guy around to use for sexual pleasure is the poison which you choose to take?

My girl T and I have often joked about kidnapping our two favorite past lovers and keeping them for pure entertainment. Though the action will likely never take place based off legal factors, what if they came willingly? We are both stuck in love/hate relationships with them, where they both love us and we hate them, however each time their eyes grace our bodies, lust takes over and we give in. In that respect we have chosen to keep little to no constant contact which each, but if there were ever the chance to keep them around as long as we'd like, we'd take it.

So why not surpass societies natural responses to the situation and jump right into the sort of relationship many people would probably gladly consider? After all, men love sex, women love sex, why not bring the two together? Men seem to have this preconceived notion that if you just asked us to fuck we would automatically say no. What they may not understand is that sometimes we don't like to deal with the messiness of a relationship as much as they do. Which is one of the reasons people have one night stands, right? You get to enjoy the lust and the passion and not worry about where the person is or who they are with the next day. Of course with the concept of a kept man there would most likely be rules, such as can they or can't they run off and have sex with other people too? Likely not.

I suppose that's what the playboy bunnies are, kept women. They have a curfew, an allowance, and are supposed (or so I've heard) to have sex with Hugh Hefner. Once the kept person or the "employer" decide they want out, each party goes on their separate ways.

Its the companionship without the crazy, although based off observation guys love crazy...

Penis in a Jar

Recently I went people watching with my boy KB at one of our favorite bars in Tempe, Arizona. We soon realized that there were slim pickings for each of us, which was depressing, so we just kept ourselves entertained with each others witty remarks. At one point this drunk boy sat down with us and offered to buy each of us a drink. We had been drinking Stella (yum!) but I was starting to feel a little buzzed so I chose to switch it up with a bud light (bottle). After all it drinks like water but is alcohol so its perfect for those situations. Anyway, the kid asks why I want a bud light, I say I want a different taste in my mouth. He replies, "Why, isn't his taste already in your mouth?!" (referring to KB) hahahahah fucking hilarious, we tell him were like besties so no.

We then get into the discussion of can a guy and a girl really be just friends? Despite movies like "When Harry met Sally" I think yes and this is why. In reiterating, something Chris Rock once said, if you are a guy you either have girls who are friends (ones who you have yet to fuck but will) or you have friends who are girls (ones who at one point you wanted to fuck but you took a wrong turn into the friends zone). These girls think of you as their "dick in a jar," left high on the shelf for safe keeping for that 1% chance she run out of luck and she wants to fuck. In that case she'll take you down and try you out for size (literally and figuratively). Now as a guy you would never try because you know she thinks of you as just a friend, but if that small chance comes your way and she wants sex, you'd fuck her.

Now what most guys perhaps realize or don't, is that us girls will likely never take you out of the jar, because we appreciate our friendships. Personally, I have several guy friends, most of which I cringe at the thought of them having any sexual relationships with anyone because they are like step brothers in my eyes. However, there have been a few situations, when intoxicated, where I've thought maybe, but then I start thinking straight and don't go there. However, from experience and word of mouth I'm pretty sure most of those guys who have friends who are girls, still think about fucking them, especially if they are hot girls.

Then there are the unfortunate few guys, who fall head over heels for said friends and try to get her to feel the same way. I'm sorry life is not like the movies, despite what society wants to believe, and most of the time she will not return his feelings. And that's where you men pull the "all or nothing card." This in any situation is the stupidest thing for anyone to do. Never pull the "all or nothing card" unless you are 100% sure the other party will pick you, otherwise they wont and you just fucked up a good friendship. You should never make anyone choose between two people.

1. if they do choose you, there will still be left over tension from the fact that they were asked to choose from the get go. Then you'll have the constant thoughts in your head about well do they still think about the other person, after all they were into that other situation for a reason. And the guy/girl who did choose your way, will come to resent you. Resent, a word we should all learn to hate.

2. If they choose the other option, you just fucked up a good thing, even if you remain friends, the resentment is there.

Now, like most friendships between men and women, in the beginning there is always that lust based off pure physical attraction. You either were like damn they are hot or they aren't. If they weren't attractive in your mind, that slide into just friends is easy, at least on your side. However, if you were attracted to them, and you were positive they were into you, then fucking say something! If its in the beginning you don't really have any risk of ruining a friendship that was never really there to begin with. What many guys don't realise is that, we women like to fuck just about as much as you do. And if you don't want to date us but just fuck, say it. True we might not like the truth, but were big girls we can deal with it. We'll either fuck you anyways or move on to the next.

Here's where the idea of "fuck buddies" comes into play. If that is all you want then say it! Don't dance around the truth, just tell us. If no agreement is made then both parties will move on.

Yes, I know men like the chase, well try this one on for size: She says she doesn't want to just be a fuck buddy, so she walks away...well fucking keep chasing her if that's what gets you off!

However, what many men don't realise is that we women are a lot more calculative then you think....

Yummy, Porn!

This is a blog about sex so lets talk PORN! Everyone should watch porn, or at the very least everyone should masturbate, and even if you say you don't, I know you do. If you really aren't lying about masturbating or not, you should jump on the band wagon, especially if you live a stressful life. If I'm stressed out or can't sleep I masturbate, after all it is much healthier then smoking a cigarette or drinking or even stress eating. Personally, I prefer to watch porn while I masturbate, and I'm guessing the majority of the male population of the world feels the same. And surprise surprise men, women enjoy porn too! I have a handful of girlfriends who I know for a fact watch porn or have watched porn at some point in their lives because they have flat out told me. Thank g-d for the Internet, because now any and every one of your fantasies can be displayed for FREE for your viewing! AWESOME

[Now don't get confused, and assume that I approve of kiddy porn, rape, or anything similar, because I don't. No those sick bastards have abused the concept of porn, but I'm not going to get into this subject today.]

It is fascinating how much sex sells, and for those conservatives who blame everything for what their kids do on the media and exploitation of sex, well I bet those are the people who have never had a real orgasm! Now I don't necessarily think that your daughter should be let out of the house if she chooses to prance around like a little slut, but there is such a thing a sexy over slutty. As long as you educated kids on condoms, birth control, diseases, etc.. then who gives a shit if they watch porn?! Oh right I forgot, its a sin. But I've never seen the term porn in the bible, so get over it.

One of my favorite movies of all time is, "The Girl Next Door," about a high school senior who meets the girl of his dreams, and she just happens to be a famous porn star. Congrats to the people who came up with that storyline; it's a perfect way to bring in the target audience of young adult males who we all know LOVE porn. Not to mention the open-minded chicks like myself who enjoyed the movie as well. One of the plot lines in the film deals with how sex-ed videos suck, and because they suck teens aren't paying too much attention to them in class. So how do you reach your target audience of 12-18 yr olds? PORN! In the film the characters come up with and produce a sex ed film acted out by porn stars, genius! I would watch it, and since you're reading this blog, I'm guessing you would too. From my knowledge no one as stolen this idea, but I think someone totally should. Because honestly watching the "Miracle of Life" doesn't make me not want to have sex, just not ever have a baby. Sure, in that sense it promotes birth control, but the thought of going through the pain of giving birth is not the least bit appealing.

This leads me to consider once again the affect of using sex to sell anything. People generally gravitate towards things that attract them, things that make them feel good. So bravo Abercrombie for those gorgeous buff men you have splattered all over your walls! Because not only is he hot but just the thought of him in my bed gets me wet! Why do you think so many teen queens love that store? Lots of color, hot babes on the walls, that sexy cologne smell, oh and hot staff! Personally, Abercombie is a little to preppy for my style, but I still understand the attraction.

Sex sells, and in with the economic state were in today, it should be kept in the back of your mind. SEX & BOOZE, I'm thinking an investment in a strip club is probably a good idea ;)

Lesbi-honest!

Last night I did something slightly sluttier than my normal taste, however quite satisfactory Because I got to make out with a chick more than once. My girl O and I were entered into an "I kissed a girl and I liked it" contest to be judged by the patrons of the bar. We were told to stand on the stage and suck face for 45 seconds, while the audience (of course) took photos and video. Who knows you many get a chance to watch me kiss a girl all over the internet, luck you. The whole scenerio brought me back to my freshmen year of college, where drunk or sober I would choose to kiss almost any girl over any guy. To this day I can honestly not tell you how many girls I have ever kissed, due to the fact that that semester was a drunken blur.

I have only kissed one girl who I can say for a fact was a horrible kisser; however I kissed several horrible guys. Whoever told a guy that smashing your face against mine and then shoving your tongue down my throat was attractive was seriously deranged. Now, don't get me wrong there is a time and place for passion, but I'd rather not be taking down gallons of spit as I'm trying to get laid; seriously, gag me.

The good kissing, and perhaps the fact that a woman's body is generally always more attractive than a male's, is probably why whenever I'm with a guy I always crave a woman. You could be the hottest guy I have ever laid eyes on, and your dick could be porn star status, but I'm still going to want to fuck a woman. Safe to say, if I'm going to cheat on you it's going to be with a woman. After all when it comes to sex there are two types of men, there are men who just want to fuck for fucks sake and there are men who love a woman's body. If you fall intot he second category you are going to get more action, or at least fall into bed with a repeat offender instead of just one night stands.

When two women have sex, it's purely, and always a celebration of the female body. She knows how her body works; therefore she knows how your body works. No teaching has to take place. You don't need to show her where your clit is, because she already knows. True she doesn't have a penis, but she has hands and a tongue, but if you crave more penetration, then grab a stap on, at least you don't have to worry about that squirtting up in you and getting you preggers.

It's safe to say I've never had a bad hook up with a chick either. Katy Perry may have kissed a girl and liked it, but I guaruntee she did a lot more then just kiss her to want to write a song about it. But then again we live in a country with a bunch of prudes so titling the song, "I fucked a girl and i liked it," may not have had the best response, but at least it would have been the truth. Seriously people, lesbi-honest! ♥

Tainted Love

Everyone has that one person who generally falls under the title of the one who got away, but what if that person returns every six months? What if you never know they are coming, you walk into a random bar in random city and there they are, and there is the chemistry, there is the electricity, do you let fate take over and consume or walk away? I say have at it. But what if that person is spoken for by someone else? Does the word “sin” now enter your thoughts or fate? My fate always seems to lead me into sin, but that’s how I like it. If you run into that person enough times without planning, and that lust for each other never seems to die, then I say fuck sin, act on the present.

Some may prefer the name Whore based off some moral code, but those people are naïve, I prefer the term Mistress. If you have ever been with anyone and you have no words to describe the connection between the two of you other than pure infatuation and an electric pull, then you will understand the romance in the name Mistress. However, not without common misconception, the mistress only desires the Other Woman needs. So which would you rather have, which would you rather be consumed with, wanting or needing? A strong woman should always say want. A good friend once said to me, “needing someone to make you happy is an incomplete existence,” my point exactly.

When I am away from him I am fine, when I don’t hear from him, I understand. Confidence is key, and I am completely confident in how he feels about me. When a random stranger comes up to you two the first night you are together alone in public, and asks when you’re getting married based off of the way you act around one another, it must be fate. Now believe me I understand the conflict of wanting someone who cannot completely be yours; will he ever leave her? Not now, and probably not anytime soon, but I don’t care, I'll just leave it to chance. For those of you who have taken ecstasy; picture that feeling that surges through you veins, now imagine having that from looking at someone. You tell me if you’d walk away from that. For those of you who have never rolled, I recommend it, have sex on it, feel the love, especially if you are too big of a pussy to let it happen sober.

p.s. if you still don’t get it listen to the song “Money Honey,” by the infamous lady gaga, and if that doesn’t do it for you, skip church and take a class on Existentialism.